The Fix Episode 01

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The Fix Episode 01
Source: youtube/20230303-WX5SHE6mzjQ-The Fix Episode 01.mkv
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Model: scribe_v2 | Transcribed: 2026-10-10T18:21:16.410040+00:00
Machine transcript — uncorrected. Speaker labels are local to this recording and do not identify people.

[00:00:01.240] Speaker 1: This is The Fix. The Fix is a podcast about how to fix being unhappy, feeling like you have no control, you have no productivity, you have no self-credibility. It's, it's the fix for feeling like everything is wrong around you and wrong in your life, and you don't know what to do anymore. This is the fix for that. I'm Steven, and for better or worse,

[00:00:36.200] Speaker 1: I feel like I have a chaotic brain, meaning I have to work every day to be happy. Now, I'm happy to do it, and it's meaningful work, but it's work, you know? My brain slides into chaos basically by default and pretty quickly. So The Fix is kind of like therapy in a podcast, but to be clear, it's not therapy. I'm not licensed in anything. I'm not your accountant, lawyer, doctor, or therapist,

[00:01:11.220] Speaker 1: and this isn't advice in any of those ways. This is a conversation between me and a hypothetical version of myself who has not yet learned all of the things that I've learned through much, much pain and quite a lot of perseverance. So, if you can do little more than press play and keep listening to this podcast, you may find inspiration for how to be happy, how to have control, how to be healthy and productive,

[00:01:46.160] Speaker 1: to love yourself and feel like you can human again. This is based on a lot of conversations with my friends, and they'll find their way into these hypothetical scenarios, I'm sure, but for the most part, it's all me. I'm talking to myself. And you'll have to forgive me because I, I do speak faster than I think. Many of the conversations will be winding, and I won't continue to apologize for that. Now, let's get

[00:02:21.080] Speaker 1: started. First of all, I've already told you two lies. One is the lie of the name of the podcast itself. There's nothing to fix. You're not broken. I-- [chuckles] Like, even that is already language that is not useful, and you're going to stop using this. The conversation with myself starts now. Remember that, listener. I'm talking to myself. You're just listening in, but if you can associate with my past self, that's fine. You're

[00:02:56.040] Speaker 1: not broken. That language is broken, if anything. You're fine. You're dysfunctional, and you're clearly unhappy. You don't have what you want in life, or you think you don't. You may not even have the motivation to want the motivation anymore, and that's okay. But the very first thing we're going to work on is the language. You are not broken. Accept that, and we can move forward.

[00:03:31.680] Speaker 1: Do you accept? Good. All right. You're not broken. Stop using that language. Okay? However, we can get you to feeling healthy and happy. The second lie I've told you, eh, I've implied. I'm not going to fix you. I can't fix you. One person cannot fix another. I'll say that again because people keep trying. It doesn't work. All it will do

[00:04:06.880] Speaker 1: is make them resent you. However, one person can help another fix themselves, and that's what we're going to do. However, remember the first lie. You're not broken. There's nothing to fix. If you start from the premise that you are broken, you will not be able to improve. You may not be where you want to be in life. You may not have what you want to have. You

[00:04:41.860] Speaker 1: may be depressed. You may have no motivation. You may feel universally reviled inside and out. But you are not broken. Okay, let's move on. Today's conversation will be around the hypothetical question submitted from past me to current me. All right, past Steven, what do you have to say? I feel like

[00:05:17.080] Speaker 1: I have no control over my life. I feel like I am a passenger in my own life. My days go by and I make promises to myself. I try to do things, but every single time, my motivation falters. It's like the world is conspiring against me. It's like everything I do doesn't matter. It all crumbles before me.

[00:05:52.640] Speaker 1: It's as if I feel totally helpless in my own life I can't really change anything, and I've tried. I've tried for a long time, and I feel like all of my relationships are suffering or worse. I feel like it's a matter of time until, like, everything is over, and I'm not suicidal or anything like that, but it's getting harder and harder to have hope

[00:06:27.644] Speaker 1: because every time I try to gain some measure of control over my life to just do something, I can't. It's like there's a wall. I don't know what to do. How do I get control over my life? I know I'm unhealthy, and I know I should do better, and I know I could probably do a lot of things. I could exercise or eat better. I'm sure those would help, but I feel like trash and I don't know what to do.

[00:07:06.844] Speaker 1: So, here's what you need to do. All change starts with a decision. It all starts with a belief. There are a few fundamental beliefs that if you can keep them in your head, you can do anything. You can do all of this by yourself. You don't need me. You never did. You don't

[00:07:41.624] Speaker 1: need anyone else. You already know enough, and what you don't know, you have the ability to learn and acquire. You can get where I am. And in this case, I know you can get where I am because I am where you wanted to get. Please let that sink in. You're not special. I'm not special. We're the same person. I just got rid of all the things that weren't serving me, all the beliefs

[00:08:16.604] Speaker 1: and ideas and thoughts and habits that I thought I needed or were excuses, and I replaced them with new ones that I discovered through a lot of pain, and they gave me control again. Now, I don't have control all the time. I'm a human being just like everyone else, and you'll never get the level of perfect control you, you dream of. It's not possible. You're a human animal like the rest of us, a sort of meat machine, you know, and

[00:08:51.764] Speaker 1: you'll never function perfectly. So just let go of that right now. But you can get to a point where you feel not only powerful but comfortable, so confident that you feel comfortable, so confident you don't need to assert your confidence. You can get there. That's the level of control you can have. You can feel like you can do just about anything you want to given enough time and the right strategy. That's where I am.

[00:09:27.404] Speaker 1: But you're not gonna get there quickly. Here are the few fundamental things you need to believe, and they make basically everything else I'm going to say possible. So let's start with this. One, an internal locus of control. Now, I know you have some of this and you've had glimmers of it. An internal locus of control is when somebody views the things that happen to them, the rewards and punishments

[00:10:02.884] Speaker 1: inflicted on them, as if they are something that they have control over. It is a fundamental worldview. It is a belief that you have control over your actions and the things that happen to you, good and bad. It is the belief that your life is not on rails and that while you never truly control everything, you believe that most of

[00:10:37.844] Speaker 1: the things that happen to you, good and bad in life, are your fault, or said another way, your responsibility. An internal locus of control means when somebody yells at you, you consider, "Did I do something wrong?" An external locus of control is the exact opposite. It is the default worldview that when something good or bad happens to you, it was somebody else's doing. That could be a deity. That could be

[00:11:12.764] Speaker 1: your friend. That could be anybody. It could be the system. It doesn't have to be a person. It could be a force of nature or economic system, rule of law. An external locus of control is a belief. It's a default reaction, really, more than a belief. It's, it's the reaction that when something goes wrong or right, it was because something outside of you was primarily controlling that. You are basically a leaf on the wind. Now, a lot of people don't wanna think about this, but let's make it concrete again.

[00:11:48.264] Speaker 1: An external locus of control is when somebody yells at you, you get angry for them yelling at you. Why are they yelling at you? You didn't do anything wrong. It's the immediate reaction That what is being inflicted upon you is the doing and maybe misconception of another person. Another thing, the world is being inflicted upon you, and the very best you can do is

[00:12:23.092] Speaker 1: inflict back. All right? That's the-- that's about all the control you're allowed. An internal locus of control gives you the default reaction that what you do or don't do is entirely up to you. And I won't belabor the point too much, but you can't do anything if your default reaction to especially negative events is to blame, deflect, or make excuses. So the first thing we're gonna do

[00:12:57.712] Speaker 1: together is you are going to decide, "I have an internal locus of control." Say it out loud with me: I decide to have an internal locus of control. I don't make excuses. I don't blame. I don't deflect. It's all my fault. It's all my responsibility. Now, you may feel a sort of searing, heavy weight in your chest like, "Lord, it can't all be my fault. Like,

[00:13:33.132] Speaker 1: you know how many crappy things have happened to me? Like, there's no way any of that was my fault." It's not about that. The reason you get an internal locus of control is not about who deserves the blame. It's not important. The purpose of not blaming, deflecting, or making excuses is because it gives you power. Do you want power? You told me you wanted control back. Did you think I would sing you a serenade? Did you think I would

[00:14:08.052] Speaker 1: powder your butt? Did you think [laughs] I'd give you a little kiss on the cheek and a warm cup of milk and say, "Oh, it's okay. You'll get your control back"? No. I am going to grill you. I'm gonna rake you over the coals because it's what you need. Do you want power, yes or no? Do you want power to change your life and anything else you think is wrong with the world around you? Do you want the power?

[00:14:43.332] Speaker 1: If you say yes, mean it. Do you want the power? Okay. Do you want the power? Yes. Well, it comes at a price. When you next feel the instinct to blame another person, a system, the government, the economy, your parents, your birth, "Oh, my poor disorders," "Oh, I don't have legs," [laughs] whatever your not legs equivalent is, it doesn't matter. Why

[00:15:18.292] Speaker 1: do we not make excuses? Why do we not blame others? Why do we not deflect? Is it for them? Is it for them? No, you know it's not. Who is it for? Every time you feel the urge to make an excuse, to deflect, to blame, but you decide not to, you get

[00:15:53.892] Speaker 1: stronger because it puts your brain into solution mode. You will use the part of your brain which is responsible for solving problems instead of the part of your brain that is essentially righteous and looking to accuse. What do you want? I repeat this to myself so many times it echoes in my own mind. Do you want to feel better,

[00:16:29.392] Speaker 1: or do you want to get better? You can't have both. Now, in the long run, getting better actually makes you feel better sustainably. But making an excuse, deflecting, or blaming somebody else will make you feel better, eh, kinda, in the short term. Now, I will say this one more time because it is critical to absolutely everything else we have to work on. Do you make excuses ever? No. Do you deflect

[00:17:04.392] Speaker 1: from uncomfortable truths in your head or spoken aloud about you or to you? No. Do you blame others for any reason? No. I don't care if you look completely insane. I don't care if somebody slapped you in the face you've never met before. You don't blame them. Why? Because it makes you weaker. If you want to be powerful, you have an internal

[00:17:39.412] Speaker 1: locus of control so strong that you believe you can control everything. It is a deliberate self-delusion, and it forces you to begin solving everything yourself. I can't fix you. Only you can fix you. And there's not even anything to fix. Your brain is the same brain it was a moment ago. You're the same person. You're just adjusting yourself. All right. Internal

[00:18:14.320] Speaker 1: locus of control. Remember that. Write that down. No excuses, no deflecting, no blaming. Not ever. Why? Who's it for? It's for you. It's not for them. It makes you powerful. Now, we're gonna use that power, okay? You have an internal locus of control. Next. I won't go into this in detail because we need to move on to the topic at hand, which is giving you a sense of control. But this one is almost as important as the locus of... internal locus of control. And by the way, all of this takes time.

[00:18:49.700] Speaker 1: You will have to catch yourself a thousand times. Don't beat yourself up when you mess up and you go, "Crap, I shouldn't have blamed her. That's not what I was supposed to do." Which means, guess what? This is the craziest thing in the world. If you do it by accident, and you will slip, because it's a habit, a lifelong habit, by the way. I know you. I am you. Well, I was you. Just apologize. Walk up to that person and say, "Hey, actually, y- I was just angry. I apologize. Um, it's not your fault. Um, I did not mean..." You don't even have to

[00:19:24.600] Speaker 1: say that. Just say, "I should not have blamed you." Okay? You can take it back. Taking it back is just as good. In fact, it's even more courageous than, uh, not doing it in the first place. Eventually, you will get to a point where you don't have to try anymore, and this will be instinct, and that won't be the moment. You now have an internal locus of control. Next, you need a growth mindset, okay? Once you have an internal locus of control, you're gonna start feeling bad, right? I realize the fix is supposed to be about making you feel better.

[00:20:00.740] Speaker 1: Well, guess what? All you have to do is listen to this podcast and you might start to feel better. But if you start to implement these things, you will go through a trough first, okay? Because taking responsibility for the fact that your life sucks hurts. That's why you've avoided it. Duh. It hurts admitting that actually some of these things probably are my fault. And you know that, and you've always known that, and sometimes you're

[00:20:35.780] Speaker 1: very mean to yourself about that. We don't need to do that. It's not helpful. It's going to feel bad. Keep doing it. Be proud of yourself, because now you have made the decision to get your control back. All right, the second most important concept before we move on is a growth mindset. A growth mindset is essentially the belief that you can change basically anything about yourself. Personality, you can learn new skills,

[00:21:10.840] Speaker 1: you can meet new friends, you... It has nothing to do with what you deserve. It is essentially the belief that not only you, but any human being can grow and change. Now, that doesn't mean they will. We've all seen people in our lives that, um, well, kind of like you, they don't change. But there's a difference between not changing and being incapable of change. Those are two different things. You, and every single human being on this earth, is in- is capable of

[00:21:45.500] Speaker 1: change. Just about everything. And this is backed by science, if you care. Psychologically speaking, there are ve- very few things you cannot change about yourself. Do you know that IQ is trainable? Did you know that information processing speed, that is essentially the speed at which you can take in information and solve problems, is separate from how smart you are? Those are two different things. You can actually be very smart but very slow. In fact, people use the word in- slow as an insult

[00:22:20.540] Speaker 1: without realizing that smart and slow are two different measures. They're two different skills. Now, there are some things you can't change, or at least it seems clear from the evidence that you can't really improve them very much. But do we make excuses? Nah. You know. All right. It doesn't matter. For now, you need to believe everything can change. Literally anything about you can change. And for the most part, it's true. There are very, very few things about you you cannot change. Uh,

[00:22:55.560] Speaker 1: or anyone. So take it on faith for now. You have a growth mindset, okay? You can change. That doesn't mean you know how. That doesn't mean you'll improve everything. That doesn't mean you'll be able to improve everything to the level you want it to be at. But it also doesn't mean you can't, okay? So for now, one, internal locus of control. Two, you can change, okay? I'm just saying you can. It is possible. I've done it. I know

[00:23:30.540] Speaker 1: you can. Okay. Now that we have these two pieces, you can do anything. Can do anything. Not will. If you actually believed that just listening to this podcast would mean you could do anything, you're delusional. It doesn't work like that. You're going to suffer. But this is a different kind of pain than you're used to. This is the pain of

[00:24:04.980] Speaker 1: growth. This is the pain of running up a mountain and feeling more tired and sore than you've ever felt in your entire life. But you know it's making you stronger. It's a good pain, and that's about what you're going to feel. So past hypothetical me, what is it you want to say in reply to all that?

[00:24:40.272] Speaker 1: Okay, I can do those things, but I don't really see how it helps me. I don't even have the motivation, [chuckles] the motivation to do anything. Like yeah, I know some of these things are my fault, but what does it matter? I still don't know what to do. You haven't... I appreciate that you're trying to help me, but I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do differently. So I mean, I don't know, like

[00:25:15.552] Speaker 1: should I make a list? Like set a goal? Like I set a lot of goals, but I don't know. I just lose motivation. It doesn't work. I, I can try if you want, but I don't really see it. I don't see the point. Okay. The point is this is not really actionable. These are two beliefs that

[00:25:51.092] Speaker 1: I've asked you to self-delude. You can choose to believe things and there's a process for that, okay? And we're probably gonna have to go through that in another episode. Uh, there is literally a formula for how to change your beliefs and it's quite simpler than you think. Um, but that's a process for another day. Today my goal is to give you that first bite of freedom, that sense that you actually do have a little bit of control. All right, so here are your, your

[00:26:26.072] Speaker 1: rebuttals. You don't know what to do. Cool. Do what I told you to first of all. Stop making excuses. Stop blaming. Stop diverting. Go write it down. Get a piece of paper. Go write it down. Internal locus of control. All right? If you blame, deflect or make excuses, you're screwing up. One, I have an internal locus of control. Two, I have a growth mindset. I believe I can change. I believe anyone can change just about anything

[00:27:01.092] Speaker 1: about themselves. I believe this. Okay? Repeat those things to yourself. All right? I am asking you to hold those beliefs in your head even if they feel fake, even if they don't feel like they're yours yet. This is what you need to believe. Okay? All right. Let's start with some actionable stuff. There's a lot of reasons you don't feel like you have control over your life and the reason is, wow, surprise, you don't. Yeah, you don't actually have any control. That's why you don't feel like you have control. It seems maybe super obvious, but

[00:27:37.392] Speaker 1: here's why, and it's a bit of a doozy and there's quite a lot to cover. All right. Here is the high level strategy. The reasons you don't have control in your life are basically because your brain isn't on, not really. Parts of your brain are on, but not very long and not enough to actually do anything, okay? Your brain isn't actually doing anything that you want it to because it is doing other stuff that you don't want it to.

[00:28:12.712] Speaker 1: Okay? So that's one big problem. Another issue is that you actually don't have the willpower, energy reserves to do anything during the amount of time, like the uptime that you have for your brain to do stuff. So the net result of most of your brain is tied up doing stuff you don't want it to, and you have to fight to get it to do basically anything just to like stay alive, make yourself food, [chuckles] like complete your basic responsibilities. More or less all of your willpower is going

[00:28:47.692] Speaker 1: to survival, to keeping it all together, uh, and there's really nothing left for improvement. So you can imagine like this weight that is sinking in the water and you only have enough power to sort of like barely keep it up, but literally all of your energy's going into keeping it from sinking further and you have nothing left and that's why you've fallen to this point. It's not a mystery. Like you've... Everyone kind of falls to this point because you can't fall further because it would jeopardize your survival and you have

[00:29:22.352] Speaker 1: just enough external pressure or basically just enough anxiety from survival instinct to keep going at this level, like kinda struggling along but like not really improving, but not exactly getting worse although you do have moments where you get worse. You're basically just getting by sort of cognitively and emotionally speaking and there's basically nothing left to actually fix your problems. Does that make sense? Imagine like you have a fire

[00:29:56.752] Speaker 1: extinguisher and there are fires popping up all the time and it takes absolutely every ounce of your effort to keep the fires from spreading, um, and you can't spare time to actually figure out where the fires are coming from much less fix them and that's why you're stuck where you are and that's why you have no control is because you don't. It's because there's no bandwidth for anything else. So the entire strategy to get out of this mess is to start to

[00:30:31.632] Speaker 1: release your brain from the stuff that's tying it up. Okay? We are going to give you more uptime for your brain to start thinking about and solving your problems. Simultaneously, we're gonna make sure you have more energy and motivation to actually act on those solutions. Remember, you're gonna solve your own problems. The name of the show is a lie. You're gonna solve it. I'm just a guide. I've been there, and I can tell you how it works, but you have to do the work. And until

[00:31:06.592] Speaker 1: you decide to do the work, you will be exactly where you are, mm, basically forever until you die or until it gets so bad, um, yeah, then I guess you don't wanna live anymore. Nobody wants that for you. I know you don't want that. You told me that. So you have two choices. You can sort of skate along on the bottom of the ocean forever, um, kind of in a zombie-like state, uh, mostly miserable with, uh, fleeting moments of joy that only really serve to remind you of how

[00:31:41.492] Speaker 1: good life used to be or how good life could be and how nice it seems for other people sometimes. Is that what you want? No. Do you understand why we started with a lo- internal locus of control now? Do you understand why you need a growth mindset? I think you're starting to see the pieces, aren't you? Now, let's make this strategy actionable. All right. First of

[00:32:16.492] Speaker 1: all, let's talk about what is tying up your brain so that you can't actually start to solve your problems. And then the second part of the solution is we're gonna talk about how to get more motivation and energy to actually act on the solutions that you come up with. Okay? And you do that long enough, and dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, you have some control. Okay? Not like a m-- a ton, but some. What could you do with some control? Hmm. You could get more control.

[00:32:52.652] Speaker 1: That's what you do. You reinvest it. [laughs] It's like compounding control. You get a little bit of control, and you use that to get some more. Okay. Now I do feel like I could actually maybe go run once a week. I, I do feel like I could actually, like, start to turn down some of this junk food or, like, maybe I could, like, reach out to a friend again [laughs] or go start a new friend, friendship, and then you'll have more control and more control, and then eventually

[00:33:27.872] Speaker 1: you stop thinking about it. That's what having control of your life feels like. It doesn't feel like having control of your life. It just feels like normal, like you can mostly do whatever you want. That's where we're gonna get you. Part one. Yes, this is part one. That was the preamble. What is your brain doing instead of helping you? What is it tied up with? Why is it busy? All right, chances are you're either super

[00:34:02.852] Speaker 1: anxious or super depressed or super both. Okay. We'll talk about depression and anxiety in another episode because, man, maybe a couple other episodes. Let me tell you, this one's gonna plague you for a while. But it also has a solution, like a set of steps that you can take that make you feel normal again pretty quickly, like, no matter how dark it gets, no matter how frustrating and scary it gets. I just wanted to issue that little lifeline, like, that's coming. You figure it

[00:34:37.792] Speaker 1: out, and it works every time, [laughs] and it's awesome feeling normal again. But that's for another day. First, you need control. Your brain is tied up basically with what other people want for you in a sort of abstract way, okay? There's a couple different sources. Here's the gist. You have too much information coming in. You are being manipulated for the minuscule profit of large companies, and more or less all of

[00:35:12.772] Speaker 1: your attention and willpower is being drained, uh, for pennies on the dollar, okay? That's a big source. You know, you're familiar with this. I know this isn't news to you. But I think you've forgotten what it feels like without it, and I'm going to show you that. So here's what you need to do. You need to begin reducing what I call... Eh, we'll save this for part one bec- uh, part two, okay? 'Cause it's a little, it's a little more in-depth.

[00:35:47.892] Speaker 1: Let's make it simple. Stop paying attention to the outside world, like, entirely. Like, entirely. Like, totally turn it off. But what about, but what about... I don't even need to be you. I don't even need to switch sides because I hear this so often. Turn it all off, all of it, the news, social media, TV shows, movies, commercials,

[00:36:22.852] Speaker 1: magazines, billboards Podcasts, everything. Turn it all off. You have so much information coming into your head every single day. It's piling up like a mountain in your brain, and you can't handle it. Imagine this just avalanche, this waterfall of things being dumped

[00:36:57.736] Speaker 1: into your brain every day. That's what happens when you're listening to this stuff, watching this stuff, seeing this stuff. It's all being poured into your head. And the reason it's tying up your brain, and you're like, "Oh, this is innocuous, I can just ignore it," that's not how it works. Your subconscious evaluates everything that comes into your field of view, right? Your senses. And it starts to evaluate, is this a threat? Is this an opportunity? You know, is this a potential friendship? Is this a potential mate? Is this good or bad for my survival? Is

[00:37:32.696] Speaker 1: this something I can use? It's trying to figure all of that out, and it doesn't understand, "Hey, I'll just ignore this." It doesn't work like that. Think of it like two brains. There's another brain, and it's much bigger, and it's always analyzing everything you see, hear, do. It's always analyzing. Is this useful? Can I use this? Is this bad? Should I be scared? Is that a friend? Is that a foe? Did she like me? Always analyzing. And the more information you pour in, the bigger the mountain gets that your subconscious needs to

[00:38:07.516] Speaker 1: sift through to make decisions on. Oh, should I finish that? Or should I have done this? It's all piling up in your head. It's piling up. Okay? Now, it's normal for lots of information to come in and get processed, okay? This is an important part of your brain. However, here's an insidious second part. All right. When you feel bad, what you do is something I call a dopamine-seeking activity.

[00:38:43.056] Speaker 1: Okay? What this is, is essentially pain avoidance. If you have ever felt when you come home, you know, often after work, "Ugh, I'm just gonna watch a TV show," or, "I'm gonna open social media," whatever it is, right? It may not even be conscious, but it's probably not. You just do it automatically. The reason you do that is because you need a dopamine hit. And this is weird, so bear with me, okay? The way your dopamine system works at a very high level is you have a baseline dopamine level. This is like, think of like

[00:39:18.096] Speaker 1: a graph, a line chart, and the higher the line, the more motivation and energy you have to do stuff. If you've ever felt, like, super motivated and ready to go, that's 'cause you have high dopamine. All right? If you've ever felt like, "Oh, crap, I can't. Nope, I'm done. I'm not gonna do anything. I can't even get up off this couch. Nope, not doing anything," you have very low dopamine. Okay? This is a simplistic model, but let's go with that. Now, the baseline level of dopamine is basically where

[00:39:53.096] Speaker 1: are you on average? Where are you when nothing is going on, right? When you're not deviating from the norm up or down. You're neither super motivated, nor are you super unmotivated. This is just normal for you. All right. When you do dopamine-seeking activities, open Facebook, watch a show, basically anything that gives you that hit, what you're doing is you're draining your store of dopamine. Boom. Imagine the line going down. You can see that chart going down and to the right. It goes down. Okay? You f- first it goes up,

[00:40:27.936] Speaker 1: whoop, you get a little hit, and then it crashes. And here's the thing, the more volatile it is, the lower your baseline dopamine gets. Okay? Think about this. The more you employ these sort of short-term fixes, and I'm not gonna go into why, okay? It's not important. Basically, anything that you do habitually that is an avoidance, that... And you know what they are. It's junk food. It's whatever. It's, it's the thing you're doing to avoid doing the thing you

[00:41:03.056] Speaker 1: actually want to do, right? That's a dopamine-seeking activity. Could be opening your email. Could be anything, right? You get a little bump, and the reason you're doing that is 'cause you're trying to get back to normal. You w- you just wanna feel good again. But the trick is, it's a short-term fix. It is a short term. You can think of it like a debt, like a credit card. Yeah, you get it real quick, but you pay more in the long run. Okay? What do you think happens to you, let's just say hypothetically to a person, when you do

[00:41:37.836] Speaker 1: this over and over and over again? Remember, your baseline sinks the more you do this. Yeah, you can see where this is going. You have no energy, and in fact, you probably can't even feel normal unless you are tying your brain up, unless you're getting these dopamine-seeking activities. Okay? Cool. So keep that in your head. First of all, you got too much information coming in. Shut it off. All right? I'm not gonna tell you how. Maybe that's a strategy for another day. Today, we're

[00:42:12.796] Speaker 1: getting kinda holistic. You know, we'll dive into the details another time. Turn it all off. All of it. Turn it all off. Block it. Ban it. Tell people you'll never do it again. Delete the apps. Throw your computer in the trash can. I don't care Turn it all off. Okay? You need to reduce the amount of noise coming into your head. All right? This will reduce the amount of decisions you have to make. Great. That's awesome. Now, the other insidious part about tying up your brain with these dopamine-seeking activities is they literally turn off your default mode network. Okay?

[00:42:48.020] Speaker 1: Basically, they tie up your brain, and this is one of the reasons you like these things, TV shows, social media, whatever, right? Is because they actually kind of turn off your brain. You don't have to think about how bad your life sucks. You don't have to think about how sad you are or how we- you wish things are different. You don't even have to think about how guilty you feel that you should be doing something else, because it kind of does turn your brain off. Okay? Because the part of your brain that you're turning off is the default mode network. Hmm, basically, you're silencing your inner thoughts. However, when you

[00:43:23.260] Speaker 1: abstain from all this, and you will feel a lot of pain, the pain of boredom like you've never felt in a long, long time. Don't be frightened. This means it's working. This is what you should feel. It will hurt like crazy. Very hot boredom. This is good. This is your brain screaming for its fix because it needs that dopamine. Like, you literally do need it. It's an important neurochemical, but you'll

[00:43:58.280] Speaker 1: be fine. All right? Just bear it. Go for a walk. Do whatever. Do anything less stimulating. Anything less stimulating. Always start downgrading how stimulating these things are. Most of your time should not be spent in these high-stimulation activities. They're killing you. They're literally draining your motivation and tying up your brain. All right, go for a walk, journal, basic, go gardening. Do something where yard work is great. Do something where your mind is free. Okay?

[00:44:33.760] Speaker 1: Your mind specifically is free. Go for a drive. That's fine too. Anything you can do that frees up your mind, okay? Stop doing the things that tie up your mind, okay? Turn off the information, avoid the dopamine-seeking activities, and start doing something right now, the moment you feel that hot boredom, that does not tie up your mind, but maybe ties up your body or your hands. You know, simple labor is good for this, cleaning the house. Now, what you're gonna notice is your thoughts begin to wander. You begin to daydream. You begin to think.

[00:45:08.520] Speaker 1: Okay? That means the default mode network is turning on. That's the part of your brain that is responsible for reflecting on your experiences, making decisions, and basically solving your problems. It's gonna pose a lot of ugly, weird questions that you don't want to answer. Let it go. Just follow your thoughts, okay? Just daydream, think. You will naturally... This is the purpose of the default mode network. Its job is to imagine the future, reflect on the past, and

[00:45:43.160] Speaker 1: decide what to do differently. Now, does that sound useful? Remember when we talked about how your brain is so busy doing other things, it doesn't have any capacity to come up with how to solve your problems? This is why your default mode network isn't turning on anymore, because you are turning it off every time you tie it up with podcasts, with YouTube, with social media, with videos, with anything, text chat, sitting in a room, video games.

[00:46:18.480] Speaker 1: You're turning it off. The part of your brain responsible for improving your life and coming up with ideas and solving problems doesn't turn on anymore. Think about what that does over a long time period and reflect on how that might cause you to stop solving your own problems and create problems as a result. This is a big part of why you don't have control, okay? Make time for your default mode network. Give it as much uptime as you can. I love going for a long walk first thing in the morning,

[00:46:53.880] Speaker 1: like ASAP. Just, just pop right out of bed, put the shoes on, brush your teeth if you have to or whatever. Walk. No podcast. Nothing. Nothing but you and the sidewalk. And just walk. Thirty minutes to an hour is best. Make it a habit every single day. Turn on your default mode network, and it will start sifting through that mountain of information you have given it. It will start figuring out your life for you. This is the purpose of this part of your brain. Now, it's rusty. It's out of practice.

[00:47:29.060] Speaker 1: Be kind. Let it work. Okay? And it will start telling you what to do. You say, "I don't know what to do." I say, "This is why you don't know what to do." It's because the part of your brain responsible for solving your own problems isn't turning on. Okay? Let it turn on. Stop turning it off. Okay? All right. So stop turning it off. You will start coming up with your own ideas for how to fix your life. Trust me. Okay? And now that you have an internal locus of control, you believe it's your

[00:48:03.840] Speaker 1: responsibility and you'll stop blaming others. Okay? This is critical because now you know you're the one who needs to change it. And what's wrong in your life is up to you to change. Okay? Number two, you have a growth mindset, so now you believe you can change. It's your responsibility, and you believe you can. Okay? Keep those in your head, and now turn on the default mode network by freeing your mind. If you are thinking and daydreaming and your brain is busy doing nothing else

[00:48:40.310] Speaker 1: Your default mode network is on. If you are bored, that means it's working. That's good. It's working. You are finally getting your agency back. Okay? You have agency. The first part gives you agency. That is your ability to make decisions, think, reflect, and solve, okay? It's in your head. But if you don't know what to do or how to plan, you'll never do anything. All right. Stop turning that part of your brain off because you are literally a puppet when it's off. All right.

[00:49:15.170] Speaker 1: Now, you do this, you will not only feel way, way, way, way, way less anxious, but you're gonna start coming with some ideas, simple stuff, for what you might could change and how you've screwed up and how maybe you can stop making it worse. Okay? But now we need to give you the will, the energy, the drive to actually follow up on some of these things. This is a gradual process too. Remember the dopamine-seeking activities thing. All right? You're draining your motivation with this stuff. Not only are you turning off the

[00:49:50.210] Speaker 1: part of your brain that's supposed to be helping you and replacing it with what is essentially white noise, you're also depleting your entire store of willpower, and you're basically giving yourself, like, baby motivation. Not even that. Babies are actually really motivated. I don't know if you ever noticed that. It's a bad example. Babies are, like, super driven. You can get back to there. [laughs] All right. Here's how you get your drive and your willpower to do stuff back. You're kinda like a broken record, right? Your dopamine system is totally wrecked,

[00:50:25.690] Speaker 1: and I'll probably get into some more detail on this later. Here's what works. All right? I figured this out, and I know it works for you, and then we'll wrap here because you have a lot to think about. In order to get your willpower back, you need to increase your baseline levels of dopamine. This is basically how motivated you feel when nothing's going on, right? On average, on the average day. It's, it's your baseline level of motivation. A driven

[00:51:00.310] Speaker 1: person is just somebody with high levels of baseline dopamine, you know, plus a desire to do something. Right? It gives you the reserves to do something. All right. You need to start setting rules for yourself, like a lot of rules. But start small. The most insidious things are the things we've already talked about, and you know what they feel like. So you're gonna use a technique that I like to call closing the door behind you on dopamine-seeking activities, okay? Think about this, closing the door behind

[00:51:35.330] Speaker 1: you. You have terrible impulse control. All right? You just, you suck. You suck at it. I still don't know how to not do things like that I know I shouldn't. Uh, that may surprise you as somebody who claims to have control over their life, but it's true. Rather than trying to, like, beat everything with willpower, I don't know how to do that. I still suck at that, so I don't. I just strategized around it. Now I don't even have to try really at all. Here's why. I use a technique called close the door behind me. So here's an example.

[00:52:10.790] Speaker 1: I'm scrolling through a Twitter feed trying to figure out, you know, what the market sentiment is for macro markets for investment purposes, right? It occurs to me, oh crap, I'm probably going to scroll until two AM. Have you ever had that feeling sitting in the back seat of your own life? Like, I know I'm about to do something stupid, and I don't feel like I can stop. Maybe you try. Maybe you wanna fight it. Like, "No, I'm gonna close it. No, I can do it." All right. Yeah, that doesn't work. Well, not for me,

[00:52:46.370] Speaker 1: and not for you because you are me. The worst version of me, but you can get better. Here's what you do. Don't fight it. All right, this is gonna sound really crazy, but cave in. Yeah, stay up until two AM and scroll. That's what you should do. But you do it in trade, okay? Here's the trick. Your long-term mind and your short-term mind are in constant conflict. You know, the long-term you is like, "I know that this is gonna make me tired tomorrow, and I'm gonna feel like trash, and I've kinda wasted my evening 'cause there was like

[00:53:21.290] Speaker 1: ten other things I wanted to do." All right? "And it really wasn't that fun anyway, and it makes me feel bad afterward, so why are you doing this?" And the other part of you is like, "Uh, [laughs] I want this." So you're going to use the short-term mind against itself. All right? You're gonna trick it. The long-term mind is smarter, okay? You're gonna give the short-term mind what it wants, but there's a deal, okay? This is like a deal with the devil, but in this case, it's a deal with an angel. Your long-term mind is gonna win. It's gonna

[00:53:56.290] Speaker 1: concede the battle and win the war. Here's what you do. "Okay, short-term self, I'll let you stay up until two AM. Not only will I let you stay up until two AM scrolling as long as you want, I promise not to make you feel bad. I won't feel guilty at all. Okay? I won't make you feel guilty in the slightest. Have fun. Do it. Go ahead. Scroll as long as you want. Like, have a blast. I, I don't get it, but do it, okay? Sit on the couch. You can stay up t- late tonight and engage in this very unhealthy habit.

[00:54:32.090] Speaker 1: I won't stop you. I won't try to stop you. I won't even make you feel bad. Have at it." But The moment you're done and you choose to go to bed, not only do you close the app, but you uninstall it. You block this website in your hosts file. For those of you who don't know how to do that, it doesn't matter, okay? It just means you can't get to the website on this computer, right? Kind of like a school computer thing. There is other software you can do, use to do the same thing.

[00:55:09.830] Speaker 1: What that means is it's a trade. Your long-term mind says, "Cool, I'm not going to fight you on the impulse control. Go right ahead. You're a moving freight train. Just do your thing. But I'm going to close the door behind me on this dopamine-seeking activity so that the next time I know you're going to get the urge to do this, it's gone and you can't, or at least it's very hard." And it is significantly easier to do something you know

[00:55:44.910] Speaker 1: you shouldn't. It's significantly easier to do the right thing when doing the wrong thing is exceptionally difficult. All right? The next time you go to open this app, and you're gonna be like, "It's... Oh, it's gone." It's like stepping off a stair and there's, like, nothing there. It's like, whoa. That sort of feeling of like, whoa, wait a minute. It's like waking up because your habit loop trigger is breaking. All right? So it's a trick. The long-term mind knows that the short-term mind is sort of impulsive and foolish, and it will make

[00:56:19.990] Speaker 1: a deal that is actually in the long-term mind's best interest. Who cares if you stay up late one more time? You're trading one more bad habit day for a lifetime of never doing it again. That's the trick, okay? Close the door behind you. Now, you can sweeten the deal because brains are crafty, and there may come a day when you are so desperate for dopamine that you will go download the Twitter app and log in again, figure out what your password is. So here's the sweetener,

[00:56:54.910] Speaker 1: right? Okay? Not only do you... 'Cause the short-term mind is dumb. It just wants what it wants right now. It'll, it'll agree to anything. This is the trick. All right? And for those who are curious, your brain is actually kind of structured like this. They are actually like two different separate minds. Now, they are unified as a single self, of course, but they are actually like two different individuals competing and arguing with each other. That's why when you talk to yourself, you are actually... You are different pieces talking to each other. Just fun fact. So it is actually two different kind of entities talking to each

[00:57:29.930] Speaker 1: other. Weird, huh? You add a sweetener. Remember, short-term mind will agree to anything. Not only are you gonna close the door behind you, but there is an implicit threat here. If I ever see you try to engage in this habit again after tonight, by the way, tonight you can do whatever you want. Have at it. Have a blast. If I ever see you try to install this app again or remove, you know, Twitter from the host file block, if I ever see you try to circumvent the

[00:58:04.690] Speaker 1: measures that I'm putting in place after this, I will punish you, and you will regret that decision severely. You will never do this again. Is that clear? Speak to yourself exactly like that. Exactly like that. Okay? And here's the other thing. You need to mean it, and if you ever do try to circumvent those controls, now, don't hurt yourself or anything like that. That's not what I'm saying. I mean emotionally. I mean literally blackmail yourself if that's what it takes. There are no levels you should not go to, you know, within

[00:58:39.590] Speaker 1: moral and ethical reason in order to make it clear that you mean it. We're done with this. Do not ever cross this line. Not only is it removed and blocked and can you not get to this thing anymore, or whatever your new normal is, right? It doesn't mean that closing the door behind you is n- you can never do something. Like, never checking your email again is not feasible. But you're crafty, and when you turn on your default mode network, you'll begin to find ways to start to enforce your rules, okay? So add that sweetener. It's a self-threat.

[00:59:16.010] Speaker 1: Promise, really. It needs to be a promise because you need to believe it, and you need to question yourself immediately after that. Do I mean that? The answer needs to come back a one hundred percent resounding, "Oh, hell yes. Do not test me." Okay? Cool. Close the door behind you. Get your uptime up for your default mode network. Turn it on as much as possible. You should be bored more often, okay? Because that means your brain is starting to work for you instead of somebody else. All right? You're never gonna solve your

[00:59:51.010] Speaker 1: own problems if it's not working for you. And two, close the door behind you on dopamine-seeking activities. Make it harder and harder and harder to do the things that you know are draining your willpower in the long term. All right. Keep doing that. In about, well, after a day, two days, you're gonna start feeling like, "Whoa, I actually, like, kinda wanna do some things. Like, I think I'm gonna clean the house." This is what boredom does for you. [chuckles] You will actually have the will to do things. It's

[01:00:25.510] Speaker 1: crazy. And by the way, you're gonna keep running into more and more activities as you find them. That's fine. This is normal. It will take time to find the right rules. And one last piece of advice, and this is something you're gonna hear me say constantly for you. Write down the rules. Read them back to yourself every day. I like in the morning, first thing you do. Literally, I just use a Google sheet. So I have an internal locus of control. Let's put that one at the top. I don't blame. I don't deflect. I don't make excuses ever. Put that one right on the top of the spreadsheet. Right below that on the next line, growth mindset.

[01:01:01.750] Speaker 1: I believe that I can change just about anything about myself. You can take about the just about if you take that out if you want to. I believe I can change anything about myself. I believe that anyone can change anything about themselves. That's the second line. I have a growth mindset. And then right after that, I want you to start writing your rules for closing the door behind you on your dopamine-seeking activities. Maybe adding the rules for the routines that you want for increasing your uptime. I take a walk first thing in the morning, right? I take a

[01:01:36.490] Speaker 1: long drive when I'm feeling stressed. Whatever it is, right? I do gardening on Saturdays after whatever this. You know your life. Follow your own rules. They're yours, remember? I can't fix you. You're not even broken. You're going to help yourself. It has to come from you. Internal locus of control. All right. So now you got your spreadsheet. Read it back to yourself every day. As stupid as that sounds, it takes just a couple seconds. This is one of the few habits that holds all the others together. It's a master habit. It contains all of your other habits. It's a

[01:02:10.950] Speaker 1: self-reinforcing loop of who you want to be and how you want to act. It will smack you in the face every single morning and remind you of who you want to be so that you can never, ever forget, okay? Never stop doing that. Do it every morning. If you forget in the morning, do it in the afternoon. If you forget in the afternoon, do it at night. If you forget the whole day, do it the next day. It doesn't matter how long it's been since you've forgotten. Get back to this one master habit. Read back the principles and rules that are important. This is how you want to live. Remind yourself. All right.

[01:02:46.070] Speaker 1: Make sure you're closing the door behind your dopamine-seeking activities so that you don't continue to repeat mistakes. This will slowly increase your baseline levels of dopamine. That takes time. It will take a couple days to start getting back to normal, maybe a couple weeks to start getting back to like, whoa. But I guarantee you, if you do all these things, you put them in a spreadsheet and you remind yourself every morning by reading them back to yourself. In a couple weeks' time, you will have way more ideas about how to fix your life than you've had maybe in months or years. And you're just now starting

[01:03:21.110] Speaker 1: to have the willpower to follow up on them. You've always known you could do meal preps for healthy meals, but you just, man, you either couldn't have started or you couldn't keep the habit. But now, now you feel like maybe I could do something. And you don't have to do everything because once you have a little control, well, you know what you can do with that. You can get some more. This has been The Fix. Now,

[01:03:56.130] Speaker 1: get to work.