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Speaker 1: This is The Fix.

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Speaker 1: The Fix is a podcast about how to fix
being unhappy,

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Speaker 1: feeling like you have no control,

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Speaker 1: you have no productivity, you have no
self-credibility. It's, it's

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Speaker 1: the fix for feeling like everything
is wrong around you and wrong in your life, and

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Speaker 1: you don't know what to do anymore.

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Speaker 1: This is the fix for that.

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Speaker 1: I'm Steven, and for better or worse,
I feel like I have a chaotic brain, meaning

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Speaker 1: I have to work every day to be happy.

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Speaker 1: Now, I'm happy to do it, and it's
meaningful work, but it's work, you know?

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Speaker 1: My brain slides into chaos basically
by default and pretty quickly.

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Speaker 1: So The Fix is kind of like therapy in
a podcast, but to be clear, it's not

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Speaker 1: therapy. I'm not licensed in
anything. I'm not your accountant, lawyer,
doctor, or

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Speaker 1: therapist, and this isn't advice in
any of those ways. This is a conversation

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Speaker 1: between me and a hypothetical version
of myself who has not yet learned

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Speaker 1: all of the things that I've learned
through much, much pain and quite a lot

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Speaker 1: of perseverance. So,

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Speaker 1: if you can do little more than press
play and keep listening to this podcast, you

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Speaker 1: may find inspiration for how to be
happy, how to have control, how to

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Speaker 1: be healthy and productive, to love
yourself and feel like you can

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Speaker 1: human again.

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Speaker 1: This is based on a lot of
conversations with my friends, and they'll find
their way

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Speaker 1: into these hypothetical scenarios,
I'm sure, but for the most part, it's all me.

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Speaker 1: I'm talking to myself.

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Speaker 1: And

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Speaker 1: you'll have to forgive me because I,
I do speak faster than I think. Many of the

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Speaker 1: conversations will be winding, and I
won't continue to apologize for that.

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Speaker 1: Now, let's get started. First of all,
I've already told you two lies. One is the

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Speaker 1: lie of the name of the podcast
itself. There's nothing to fix.

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Speaker 1: You're not broken. I-- [chuckles]
Like,

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Speaker 1: even that is already language that is
not useful, and you're going to stop using

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Speaker 1: this. The conversation with myself
starts now. Remember that, listener. I'm talking

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Speaker 1: to myself. You're just listening in,
but if you can associate with my past self,

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Speaker 1: that's fine.

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Speaker 1: You're not broken.

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Speaker 1: That language is broken, if anything.

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Speaker 1: You're fine. You're dysfunctional,
and you're clearly unhappy. You don't have

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Speaker 1: what you want in life, or you think
you don't. You may not even have the motivation

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Speaker 1: to want the motivation anymore, and
that's okay. But the very first

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Speaker 1: thing we're going to work on

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Speaker 1: is the language. You are not broken.
Accept that, and

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Speaker 1: we can move forward. Do you accept?

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Speaker 1: Good. All right. You're not broken.
Stop using that language. Okay?

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Speaker 1: However, we can get you to feeling
healthy and happy.

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Speaker 1: The second lie I've told you, eh,
I've implied. I'm not going to fix you.

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Speaker 1: I can't fix you. One person cannot
fix another. I'll say that again

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Speaker 1: because people keep trying. It
doesn't work. All it will do is make

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Speaker 1: them resent you.

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Speaker 1: However, one person can help another
fix

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Speaker 1: themselves,

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Speaker 1: and that's what we're going to do.
However, remember the first lie. You're not

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Speaker 1: broken. There's nothing to fix. If
you start from the premise that you

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Speaker 1: are broken,

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Speaker 1: you will not be able to improve. You
may not be where you want to be in life. You

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Speaker 1: may not have what you want to have.
You may be depressed. You may have no

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Speaker 1: motivation. You may feel universally
reviled inside and out. But you are not

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Speaker 1: broken.

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Speaker 1: Okay,

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Speaker 1: let's move on.

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Speaker 1: Today's conversation will be around
the hypothetical question

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Speaker 1: submitted from past me to current me.
All right, past Steven, what do

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Speaker 1: you have to say?

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Speaker 1: I feel like I have no control over my
life.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I am a passenger in my
own life.

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Speaker 1: My days go by and I make promises to
myself. I try to do

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Speaker 1: things,

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Speaker 1: but every single time, my motivation
falters.

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Speaker 1: It's like the world is conspiring
against me. It's like everything I

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Speaker 1: do doesn't matter. It all crumbles
before me. It's as if

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Speaker 1: I feel totally helpless in my own
life

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Speaker 1: I can't really change anything, and
I've tried. I've tried for a long time,

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Speaker 1: and I feel like all of my
relationships are suffering or worse.

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Speaker 1: I feel like it's a matter of time
until, like, everything is over, and I'm not

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Speaker 1: suicidal or anything like that, but

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Speaker 1: it's getting harder and harder to
have hope because every time I try to

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Speaker 1: gain some measure of control over my
life to just do something,

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Speaker 1: I can't. It's like there's a wall.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what to do. How do I get
control over my life? I know I'm

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Speaker 1: unhealthy, and I know I should do
better, and I know I could probably do a lot of

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Speaker 1: things. I could exercise or eat
better. I'm sure those would help, but

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Speaker 1: I feel like trash and I don't know
what to do.

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Speaker 1: So,

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Speaker 1: here's what you need to do.

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Speaker 1: All change starts with a decision.

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Speaker 1: It all starts with a belief. There
are a few fundamental beliefs that if you can

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Speaker 1: keep them in your head, you can do
anything. You can do all of this by

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Speaker 1: yourself. You don't need me. You
never did. You don't

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Speaker 1: need anyone else. You already know
enough, and what you don't know, you

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Speaker 1: have the ability to learn and
acquire. You can get where I am.

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Speaker 1: And in this case, I know you can get
where I am because I am where you wanted to

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Speaker 1: get.

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Speaker 1: Please let that sink in. You're not
special. I'm not special. We're the

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Speaker 1: same person.

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Speaker 1: I just got rid of all the things that
weren't serving me, all the

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Speaker 1: beliefs and ideas and thoughts and
habits that

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Speaker 1: I thought I needed or were excuses,
and I replaced them with new ones that I

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Speaker 1: discovered through a lot of pain, and
they gave me control again.

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Speaker 1: Now, I don't have control all the
time. I'm a human being just like everyone else,

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Speaker 1: and you'll never get the level of
perfect control you, you dream of. It's not

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Speaker 1: possible. You're a human animal like
the rest of us, a sort of meat machine,

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Speaker 1: you know, and you'll never function
perfectly. So just let go of that right now. But

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Speaker 1: you can get to a point where you feel
not only powerful but comfortable,

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Speaker 1: so confident that you feel
comfortable, so confident you don't need to
assert your

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Speaker 1: confidence. You can get there. That's
the level of control you can have. You

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Speaker 1: can feel like

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Speaker 1: you can do just about anything you
want to

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Speaker 1: given enough time and the right
strategy. That's where I am.

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Speaker 1: But you're not gonna get there
quickly.

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Speaker 1: Here are the few fundamental things
you need to believe,

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Speaker 1: and they make basically everything
else I'm going to say possible. So let's start

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Speaker 1: with this. One, an internal locus of
control. Now, I

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Speaker 1: know you have some of this and you've
had glimmers of it.

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Speaker 1: An internal locus of control is when
somebody

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Speaker 1: views the things that happen to them,
the rewards and punishments

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Speaker 1: inflicted on them,

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Speaker 1: as if they are something that they
have control over. It is a

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Speaker 1: fundamental worldview. It is a belief

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Speaker 1: that you have control over your
actions and the things that happen to you, good
and

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Speaker 1: bad. It is the belief that your life
is not on rails and that while you

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Speaker 1: never truly control everything, you
believe

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Speaker 1: that most of the things that happen
to you, good and bad in life, are your fault,

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Speaker 1: or said another way, your
responsibility. An internal locus of

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Speaker 1: control means when somebody yells at
you, you consider, "Did I do something

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Speaker 1: wrong?" An external locus of control
is the exact opposite. It is

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Speaker 1: the default worldview that when
something good or bad happens to you,

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Speaker 1: it was somebody else's doing. That
could be a deity. That could be your friend.
That

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Speaker 1: could be anybody. It could be the
system. It doesn't have to be a person. It could

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Speaker 1: be a force of nature or economic
system, rule of law.

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Speaker 1: An external locus of control is a
belief. It's a default reaction, really, more
than

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Speaker 1: a belief. It's, it's the reaction
that when something goes wrong or right, it was

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Speaker 1: because something outside of you was
primarily controlling that.

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Speaker 1: You are basically a leaf on the wind.
Now, a lot of people don't wanna think about

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Speaker 1: this, but let's make it concrete
again. An external locus of control

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Speaker 1: is when somebody yells at you, you
get angry for them yelling at you.

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Speaker 1: Why are they yelling at you?

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Speaker 1: You didn't do anything wrong. It's
the immediate reaction

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Speaker 1: That what is being inflicted upon you
is the doing and maybe

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Speaker 1: misconception of another person.
Another thing,

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Speaker 1: the world is being inflicted upon
you, and the very best you can do is

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Speaker 1: inflict back. All right? That's the--
that's about all the control you're allowed.

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Speaker 1: An internal locus of control gives
you the default reaction

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Speaker 1: that what you do or don't do is
entirely up to you. And I won't belabor the

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Speaker 1: point too much, but you can't do
anything if your default reaction

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Speaker 1: to especially negative events is to
blame, deflect, or make excuses.

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Speaker 1: So the first thing we're gonna do
together is you are going to decide, "I have

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Speaker 1: an internal locus of control." Say it
out loud with me: I decide to

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Speaker 1: have an internal locus of control.

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Speaker 1: I don't make excuses. I don't blame.
I don't deflect. It's all

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Speaker 1: my fault. It's all my responsibility.
Now, you may feel a sort of searing,

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Speaker 1: heavy weight in your chest like,
"Lord,

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Speaker 1: it can't all be my fault. Like, you
know how many crappy things have happened to me?

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Speaker 1: Like, there's no way any of that was
my fault." It's not about that.

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Speaker 1: The reason you get an internal locus
of control is not about who deserves the blame.

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Speaker 1: It's not important.

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Speaker 1: The purpose of not blaming,
deflecting, or making excuses is because it
gives you

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Speaker 1: power. Do you want power? You told me
you wanted control

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Speaker 1: back. Did you think I would sing you
a serenade? Did you think I would powder your

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Speaker 1: butt? Did you think [laughs] I'd give
you a little kiss on the cheek and a warm cup

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Speaker 1: of milk and say, "Oh, it's okay.
You'll get your control back"? No. I am going to

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Speaker 1: grill you. I'm gonna rake you over
the coals because it's what you need.

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Speaker 1: Do you want power, yes or no? Do you
want power to

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Speaker 1: change your life and anything else
you think is wrong with the world around you?

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Speaker 1: Do you want the power?

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Speaker 1: If you say yes, mean it. Do you want
the power? Okay. Do

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Speaker 1: you want the power?

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Speaker 1: Yes. Well, it comes at a price.

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Speaker 1: When you next feel the instinct to
blame another person, a system, the

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Speaker 1: government, the economy, your
parents, your birth, "Oh, my

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Speaker 1: poor disorders," "Oh, I don't have
legs," [laughs] whatever your not legs
equivalent

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Speaker 1: is, it doesn't matter. Why do we not
make excuses?

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Speaker 1: Why do we not blame others?

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Speaker 1: Why do we not deflect? Is it for
them?

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Speaker 1: Is it for them?

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Speaker 1: No, you know it's not. Who is it for?

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Speaker 1: Every time you feel the urge to make
an excuse, to deflect,

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Speaker 1: to blame, but you decide not to,

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Speaker 1: you get stronger because it puts your

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Speaker 1: brain into solution mode. You will
use the part of your

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Speaker 1: brain which is responsible for
solving problems instead

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Speaker 1: of the part of your brain that is
essentially righteous and

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Speaker 1: looking to accuse. What do you want?
I repeat this to myself

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Speaker 1: so many times it echoes in my own
mind.

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Speaker 1: Do you want to feel better, or do you
want to get better?

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Speaker 1: You can't have both. Now, in the long
run, getting better actually makes you feel

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Speaker 1: better sustainably. But making an
excuse, deflecting, or blaming somebody else
will

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Speaker 1: make you feel better, eh, kinda, in
the short term. Now,

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Speaker 1: I will say this one more time because
it is critical to absolutely everything else

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Speaker 1: we have to work on.

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Speaker 1: Do you make excuses ever?

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Speaker 1: No. Do you deflect from uncomfortable
truths in your head

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Speaker 1: or spoken aloud about you or to you?

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Speaker 1: No. Do you blame others for any
reason? No.

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Speaker 1: I don't care if you look completely
insane. I don't care if somebody slapped you in

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Speaker 1: the face you've never met before. You
don't blame them. Why?

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Speaker 1: Because it makes you weaker.

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Speaker 1: If you want to be powerful, you have
an internal locus of control

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Speaker 1: so strong that you believe you can
control everything. It is a

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Speaker 1: deliberate self-delusion,

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Speaker 1: and it forces you to begin solving
everything yourself.

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Speaker 1: I can't fix you. Only you can fix
you.

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Speaker 1: And there's not even anything to fix.
Your brain is the same brain it was a moment

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Speaker 1: ago. You're the same person. You're
just adjusting yourself. All right.

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Speaker 1: Internal locus of control. Remember
that. Write that down. No excuses, no

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Speaker 1: deflecting, no blaming. Not ever.
Why? Who's it for?

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Speaker 1: It's for you. It's not for them. It
makes you powerful. Now, we're gonna use that

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Speaker 1: power, okay? You have an internal
locus of control. Next.

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Speaker 1: I won't go into this in detail
because we need to move on to the topic at hand,

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Speaker 1: which is giving you a sense of
control. But this one is almost as important as
the

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Speaker 1: locus of... internal locus of
control. And

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Speaker 1: by the way, all of this takes time.
You will have to catch yourself a thousand

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Speaker 1: times. Don't beat yourself up when
you mess up and you go, "Crap, I shouldn't have

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Speaker 1: blamed her. That's not what I was
supposed to do." Which means, guess what? This
is

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Speaker 1: the craziest thing in the world. If
you do it by accident, and you will slip,

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Speaker 1: because it's a habit, a lifelong
habit, by the way. I know you. I am you. Well, I

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Speaker 1: was you.

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Speaker 1: Just apologize. Walk up to that
person and say, "Hey, actually, y- I was just
angry.

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Speaker 1: I apologize. Um, it's not your fault.
Um, I did not mean..." You

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Speaker 1: don't even have to say that. Just
say, "I should not have blamed you." Okay? You
can

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Speaker 1: take it back. Taking it back is just
as good. In fact, it's even more courageous

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Speaker 1: than, uh, not doing it in the first
place. Eventually, you will get to a point where

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Speaker 1: you don't have to try anymore, and
this will be instinct, and that won't be the

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Speaker 1: moment. You now have an internal
locus of control. Next, you need a growth
mindset,

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Speaker 1: okay? Once you have an internal locus
of control, you're gonna start feeling bad,

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Speaker 1: right? I realize the fix is supposed
to be about making you feel better. Well,

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Speaker 1: guess what? All you have to do is
listen to this podcast and you might start to
feel

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Speaker 1: better. But if you start to implement
these things, you will go through a

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Speaker 1: trough first, okay? Because taking
responsibility for

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Speaker 1: the fact that your life sucks hurts.
That's why you've avoided

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Speaker 1: it. Duh. It hurts admitting that
actually some of these things probably are

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Speaker 1: my fault. And you know that, and
you've always known that, and

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Speaker 1: sometimes you're very mean to
yourself about that. We don't need to do that.
It's

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Speaker 1: not helpful.

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Speaker 1: It's going to feel bad. Keep doing
it. Be proud of yourself,

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Speaker 1: because now you have made the
decision to get your control back.

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Speaker 1: All right, the second most important
concept before we move on is a growth mindset.

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Speaker 1: A growth mindset is essentially the
belief that you can change basically anything

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Speaker 1: about yourself. Personality, you can
learn new skills, you can meet new

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Speaker 1: friends, you... It has nothing to do
with what you deserve. It is essentially the

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Speaker 1: belief that not only you, but any
human being can grow and change. Now, that

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Speaker 1: doesn't mean they will. We've all
seen people in our lives that, um, well, kind of

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Speaker 1: like you,

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Speaker 1: they don't change. But there's a
difference between not changing and being
incapable

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Speaker 1: of change. Those are two different
things.

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Speaker 1: You, and every single human being on
this earth, is in- is capable of change. Just

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Speaker 1: about everything. And this is backed
by science, if you care. Psychologically

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Speaker 1: speaking, there are ve- very few
things you cannot change about yourself. Do you

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Speaker 1: know that IQ is trainable?

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Speaker 1: Did you know that information
processing speed, that is essentially the speed
at

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Speaker 1: which you can take in information and
solve problems, is separate from how smart you

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Speaker 1: are? Those are two different things.
You can actually be very smart

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Speaker 1: but very slow. In fact, people use
the word in- slow as an insult without

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Speaker 1: realizing that smart and slow are two
different measures. They're two different

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Speaker 1: skills. Now, there are some things
you can't change, or at least it seems clear
from

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Speaker 1: the evidence that you can't really
improve them very much. But do we

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Speaker 1: make excuses?

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Speaker 1: Nah. You know. All right.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't matter. For now, you need
to believe everything can change. Literally

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Speaker 1: anything about you can change. And
for the most part, it's true. There are very,

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Speaker 1: very few things about you you cannot
change. Uh, or anyone. So take it on faith for

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Speaker 1: now. You have a growth mindset, okay?
You can change. That

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Speaker 1: doesn't mean you know how. That
doesn't mean you'll improve everything. That
doesn't

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Speaker 1: mean you'll be able to improve
everything to the level you want it to be at.
But it

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Speaker 1: also doesn't mean you can't, okay? So
for now, one,

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Speaker 1: internal locus of control. Two, you
can change, okay?

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Speaker 1: I'm just saying you can. It is
possible. I've done it.

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Speaker 1: I know you can. Okay. Now that we
have these two pieces, you can

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Speaker 1: do anything. Can do anything. Not
will.

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Speaker 1: If you actually believed that just
listening to this podcast would mean you could
do

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Speaker 1: anything, you're delusional. It
doesn't work like that.

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Speaker 1: You're going to suffer. But this is a
different kind of pain than you're

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Speaker 1: used to.

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Speaker 1: This is the pain of growth. This is
the pain of

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Speaker 1: running up a mountain and feeling
more tired and sore than you've ever felt in
your

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Speaker 1: entire life.

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Speaker 1: But you know it's making you
stronger. It's a good pain, and

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Speaker 1: that's about what you're going to
feel.

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Speaker 1: So past hypothetical me,

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Speaker 1: what is it you want to say in reply
to all that?

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Speaker 1: Okay,

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Speaker 1: I can do those things, but

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Speaker 1: I don't really see how it helps me. I
don't even have the motivation, [chuckles] the

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Speaker 1: motivation to do anything. Like

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Speaker 1: yeah, I know some of these things are
my fault, but what does it matter?

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Speaker 1: I still don't know what to do.

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Speaker 1: You haven't... I appreciate that
you're trying to help me, but I'm not really
sure

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Speaker 1: what I'm supposed to do differently.

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Speaker 1: So I mean, I don't know, like should
I make a list? Like set a goal? Like

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Speaker 1: I set a lot of goals, but

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I just lose motivation.
It doesn't work.

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Speaker 1: I, I can try

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Speaker 1: if you want, but

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Speaker 1: I don't really see it.

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Speaker 1: I don't see the point.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 1: The point is this is not really
actionable. These are two beliefs that

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Speaker 1: I've asked you to self-delude. You
can choose to believe things and there's a

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Speaker 1: process for that, okay? And we're
probably gonna have to go through that in
another

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Speaker 1: episode. Uh, there is literally a
formula for how to change your beliefs and it's

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Speaker 1: quite simpler than you think. Um, but
that's a process for another day. Today

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Speaker 1: my goal is to give you that first
bite of freedom, that sense

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Speaker 1: that you actually do have a little
bit of control.

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Speaker 1: All right, so here are your, your
rebuttals. You don't know what to do. Cool. Do

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Speaker 1: what I told you to first of all.

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Speaker 1: Stop making excuses. Stop blaming.
Stop diverting. Go write it down. Get a piece of

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Speaker 1: paper. Go write it down.

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Speaker 1: Internal locus of control. All right?
If you blame, deflect

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Speaker 1: or make excuses,

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Speaker 1: you're screwing up. One, I have an
internal locus of control. Two, I have a growth

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Speaker 1: mindset. I believe I can change. I
believe anyone can change just about anything

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Speaker 1: about themselves. I believe this.
Okay? Repeat those things to yourself.

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Speaker 1: All right? I am asking you to hold
those beliefs in your head even if they feel

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Speaker 1: fake, even if they don't feel like
they're yours yet. This is what you need to

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Speaker 1: believe. Okay? All right. Let's start
with some actionable stuff.

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Speaker 1: There's a lot of reasons you don't
feel like you have control over your life and
the

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Speaker 1: reason is, wow, surprise, you don't.
Yeah, you don't actually have

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Speaker 1: any control. That's why you don't
feel like you have control. It seems maybe super

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Speaker 1: obvious, but here's why,

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Speaker 1: and it's a bit of a doozy and there's
quite a lot to cover.

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Speaker 1: All right. Here is the high level
strategy. The reasons you don't have control in

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Speaker 1: your life are basically because your
brain isn't on, not really.

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Speaker 1: Parts of your brain are on, but not
very long and not enough to actually do

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Speaker 1: anything, okay? Your brain isn't
actually doing anything that you want it to

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Speaker 1: because it is doing other stuff that
you don't want it to. Okay? So that's

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Speaker 1: one big problem. Another issue is
that you actually don't have the willpower,

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Speaker 1: energy reserves to do anything during
the amount of time, like the uptime that you

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Speaker 1: have for your brain to do stuff. So
the net result of most of your brain is

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Speaker 1: tied up doing stuff you don't want it
to, and you have to fight to get it to do

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Speaker 1: basically anything just to like stay
alive, make yourself food, [chuckles] like

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Speaker 1: complete your basic responsibilities.
More or less all of your willpower is going to

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Speaker 1: survival, to keeping it all together,
uh, and there's really nothing left for

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Speaker 1: improvement. So you can imagine like
this weight that is sinking in the water and

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Speaker 1: you only have enough power to sort of
like barely keep it up, but literally all of

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Speaker 1: your energy's going into keeping it
from sinking further and you have nothing left

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Speaker 1: and that's why you've fallen to this
point. It's not a mystery. Like you've...

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Speaker 1: Everyone kind of falls to this point
because you can't fall further because it would

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Speaker 1: jeopardize your survival and you have
just enough external pressure or basically

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Speaker 1: just enough anxiety

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Speaker 1: from survival instinct to keep going
at this level, like kinda struggling along

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Speaker 1: but like not really

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Speaker 1: improving, but not exactly getting
worse although you do have moments where you get

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Speaker 1: worse. You're basically just getting
by sort of cognitively and

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Speaker 1: emotionally speaking and there's
basically nothing left to actually fix your

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Speaker 1: problems. Does that make sense?
Imagine like you have a fire extinguisher and
there

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Speaker 1: are fires popping up all the time and
it takes absolutely every ounce of your effort

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Speaker 1: to keep the fires from spreading, um,
and you can't spare time to

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Speaker 1: actually figure out where the fires
are coming from much less fix them and that's

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Speaker 1: why you're stuck where you are and
that's why you have no control is because you

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Speaker 1: don't. It's because there's no
bandwidth for anything else.

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Speaker 1: So the entire strategy to get out of
this mess is

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Speaker 1: to start to release your brain from
the stuff that's tying it up. Okay?

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Speaker 1: We are going to give you more uptime
for your brain to start thinking about

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Speaker 1: and solving your problems.
Simultaneously, we're gonna make sure you have
more

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Speaker 1: energy and motivation to actually act
on those solutions. Remember, you're gonna

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Speaker 1: solve your own problems. The name of
the show is a lie.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna solve it. I'm just a
guide. I've been there, and I can tell you how
it

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Speaker 1: works, but you have to do the work.
And until you decide to do the work,

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Speaker 1: you will be exactly where you are,
mm, basically forever until you die or until it

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Speaker 1: gets so bad, um, yeah, then I guess
you don't wanna live anymore. Nobody wants that

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Speaker 1: for you.

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Speaker 1: I know you don't want that. You told
me that. So you have two choices. You can sort

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Speaker 1: of skate along on the bottom of the
ocean forever, um, kind of in a

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Speaker 1: zombie-like state, uh, mostly
miserable with, uh, fleeting moments of joy that
only

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Speaker 1: really serve to

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Speaker 1: remind you of how good life used to
be or how good life could be and how nice it

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Speaker 1: seems for other people sometimes. Is
that what you want?

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Speaker 1: No. Do you understand why we started
with a lo- internal locus of control now?

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Speaker 1: Do you understand why you need a
growth mindset?

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Speaker 1: I think you're starting to see the
pieces, aren't you?

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Speaker 1: Now, let's make this strategy
actionable.

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Speaker 1: All right.

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Speaker 1: First of all, let's talk about what
is tying up your brain so that you can't

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Speaker 1: actually start to solve your
problems. And then the second part of the
solution is

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Speaker 1: we're gonna talk about how to get
more motivation and energy to actually act on

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Speaker 1: the solutions that you come up with.
Okay?

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Speaker 1: And you do that long enough, and dun,
dun, dun, dun, dun, you have some control.

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Speaker 1: Okay? Not like a m-- a ton, but some.
What could you do with some

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Speaker 1: control? Hmm. You could get more
control.

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Speaker 1: That's what you do. You reinvest it.
[laughs] It's like compounding control. You get

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Speaker 1: a little bit of control, and you use
that to get some more. Okay.

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Speaker 1: Now I do feel like I could actually
maybe go run once a week.

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Speaker 1: I, I do feel like I could actually,
like, start to turn down some of this junk food

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Speaker 1: or, like, maybe I could, like, reach
out to a friend again [laughs] or go start a

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Speaker 1: new friend, friendship, and then
you'll have more control and more control, and
then

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Speaker 1: eventually you stop thinking about
it. That's what having control of your life

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00:33:32.392 --> 00:33:36.912
Speaker 1: feels like. It doesn't feel like
having control of your life. It just feels like

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Speaker 1: normal, like you can mostly do
whatever you want.

387
00:33:44.772 --> 00:33:49.652
Speaker 1: That's where we're gonna get you.
Part one. Yes, this is part one. That was the

388
00:33:49.692 --> 00:33:50.212
Speaker 1: preamble.

389
00:33:51.772 --> 00:33:57.672
Speaker 1: What is your brain doing instead of
helping you? What is it tied up with?

390
00:33:57.832 --> 00:33:58.692
Speaker 1: Why is it busy?

391
00:34:00.272 --> 00:34:05.692
Speaker 1: All right, chances are you're either
super anxious or super depressed or super both.

392
00:34:06.972 --> 00:34:12.952
Speaker 1: Okay. We'll talk about depression and
anxiety in another episode because, man, maybe

393
00:34:13.012 --> 00:34:16.832
Speaker 1: a couple other episodes. Let me tell
you, this one's gonna plague you for a while.

394
00:34:18.732 --> 00:34:23.872
Speaker 1: But it also has a solution, like a
set of steps that you can take that

395
00:34:25.292 --> 00:34:31.172
Speaker 1: make you feel normal again pretty
quickly, like, no matter how dark it gets, no

396
00:34:31.212 --> 00:34:35.232
Speaker 1: matter how frustrating and scary it
gets. I just wanted to issue that little

397
00:34:35.272 --> 00:34:40.652
Speaker 1: lifeline, like, that's coming. You
figure it out, and it works every time,

398
00:34:41.172 --> 00:34:45.652
Speaker 1: [laughs] and it's awesome feeling
normal again. But that's for another day. First,

399
00:34:45.692 --> 00:34:49.592
Speaker 1: you need control. Your brain is tied
up

400
00:34:51.632 --> 00:34:52.432
Speaker 1: basically

401
00:34:54.172 --> 00:34:59.592
Speaker 1: with what other people want for you
in a sort of abstract way, okay? There's a

402
00:34:59.652 --> 00:35:04.052
Speaker 1: couple different sources. Here's the
gist. You have too much information coming in.

403
00:35:05.032 --> 00:35:10.272
Speaker 1: You are being manipulated for the
minuscule profit of large companies,

404
00:35:11.112 --> 00:35:17.092
Speaker 1: and more or less all of your
attention and willpower is being drained, uh,

405
00:35:17.232 --> 00:35:21.392
Speaker 1: for pennies on the dollar, okay?
That's a big source. You know, you're familiar
with

406
00:35:21.432 --> 00:35:26.652
Speaker 1: this. I know this isn't news to you.
But I think you've forgotten what it feels like

407
00:35:26.692 --> 00:35:30.352
Speaker 1: without it, and I'm going to show you
that.

408
00:35:32.252 --> 00:35:33.332
Speaker 1: So here's what you need to do.

409
00:35:35.212 --> 00:35:38.612
Speaker 1: You need to begin reducing what I
call...

410
00:35:40.672 --> 00:35:42.032
Speaker 1: Eh, we'll save this for part one

411
00:35:44.152 --> 00:35:48.012
Speaker 1: bec- uh, part two, okay? 'Cause it's
a little, it's a little more in-depth. Let's

412
00:35:48.052 --> 00:35:53.632
Speaker 1: make it simple. Stop paying attention
to the outside world, like, entirely.

413
00:35:54.112 --> 00:35:55.032
Speaker 1: Like, entirely.

414
00:35:56.792 --> 00:35:59.692
Speaker 1: Like, totally turn it off.

415
00:36:01.572 --> 00:36:05.172
Speaker 1: But what about, but what about... I
don't even need to be you. I don't even need to

416
00:36:05.212 --> 00:36:07.372
Speaker 1: switch sides because I hear this so
often.

417
00:36:11.112 --> 00:36:16.852
Speaker 1: Turn it all off, all of it, the news,
social

418
00:36:17.012 --> 00:36:22.512
Speaker 1: media, TV shows, movies, commercials,

419
00:36:22.852 --> 00:36:25.832
Speaker 1: magazines, billboards

420
00:36:27.796 --> 00:36:32.716
Speaker 1: Podcasts, everything. Turn it all
off.

421
00:36:34.416 --> 00:36:40.056
Speaker 1: You have so much information coming
into your head every

422
00:36:40.316 --> 00:36:45.976
Speaker 1: single day. It's piling up like a
mountain in your brain,

423
00:36:46.356 --> 00:36:51.316
Speaker 1: and you can't handle it. Imagine this
just

424
00:36:51.956 --> 00:36:57.916
Speaker 1: avalanche, this waterfall of things
being dumped into

425
00:36:57.956 --> 00:37:02.276
Speaker 1: your brain every day. That's what
happens when you're listening to this stuff,

426
00:37:02.396 --> 00:37:07.436
Speaker 1: watching this stuff, seeing this
stuff. It's all being poured into your head.

427
00:37:08.796 --> 00:37:12.496
Speaker 1: And the reason it's tying up your
brain, and you're like, "Oh, this is innocuous,
I

428
00:37:12.536 --> 00:37:18.316
Speaker 1: can just ignore it," that's not how
it works. Your subconscious evaluates everything

429
00:37:18.696 --> 00:37:24.156
Speaker 1: that comes into your field of view,
right? Your senses. And it starts to evaluate,

430
00:37:24.316 --> 00:37:28.856
Speaker 1: is this a threat? Is this an
opportunity? You know, is this a potential
friendship?

431
00:37:28.916 --> 00:37:33.136
Speaker 1: Is this a potential mate? Is this
good or bad for my survival? Is this something I

432
00:37:33.175 --> 00:37:38.936
Speaker 1: can use? It's trying to figure all of
that out, and it doesn't understand,

433
00:37:39.236 --> 00:37:42.776
Speaker 1: "Hey, I'll just ignore this." It
doesn't work like that. Think of it like two

434
00:37:42.856 --> 00:37:47.676
Speaker 1: brains. There's another brain, and
it's much bigger, and it's always analyzing

435
00:37:47.756 --> 00:37:53.736
Speaker 1: everything you see, hear, do. It's
always analyzing. Is this useful? Can

436
00:37:53.796 --> 00:37:57.636
Speaker 1: I use this? Is this bad? Should I be
scared? Is that a friend? Is that a foe? Did

437
00:37:57.676 --> 00:38:03.576
Speaker 1: she like me? Always analyzing. And
the more information you pour

438
00:38:03.696 --> 00:38:08.756
Speaker 1: in, the bigger the mountain gets that
your subconscious needs to sift through to

439
00:38:08.816 --> 00:38:13.396
Speaker 1: make decisions on. Oh, should I
finish that? Or should I have done this?

440
00:38:17.016 --> 00:38:20.696
Speaker 1: It's all piling up in your head. It's
piling up.

441
00:38:22.236 --> 00:38:27.316
Speaker 1: Okay? Now, it's normal for lots of
information to come in and get processed, okay?

442
00:38:27.696 --> 00:38:33.396
Speaker 1: This is an important part of your
brain. However, here's an insidious second

443
00:38:33.456 --> 00:38:33.716
Speaker 1: part.

444
00:38:35.756 --> 00:38:41.316
Speaker 1: All right. When you feel bad, what
you do is something I call a dopamine-seeking

445
00:38:41.396 --> 00:38:46.956
Speaker 1: activity. Okay? What this is, is
essentially pain

446
00:38:47.016 --> 00:38:51.716
Speaker 1: avoidance. If you have ever felt when
you come home, you know, often after work,

447
00:38:52.476 --> 00:38:56.556
Speaker 1: "Ugh, I'm just gonna watch a TV
show," or, "I'm gonna open social media,"

448
00:38:58.096 --> 00:39:01.556
Speaker 1: whatever it is, right? It may not
even be conscious, but it's probably not. You
just

449
00:39:01.596 --> 00:39:07.196
Speaker 1: do it automatically. The reason you
do that is because you need a dopamine hit. And

450
00:39:07.216 --> 00:39:11.436
Speaker 1: this is weird, so bear with me, okay?
The way your dopamine system works at a very

451
00:39:11.476 --> 00:39:11.936
Speaker 1: high level

452
00:39:13.556 --> 00:39:19.256
Speaker 1: is you have a baseline dopamine
level. This is like, think of like a graph, a
line

453
00:39:19.316 --> 00:39:25.196
Speaker 1: chart, and the higher the line, the
more motivation and energy you have to do stuff.

454
00:39:25.556 --> 00:39:29.856
Speaker 1: If you've ever felt, like, super
motivated and ready to go, that's 'cause you
have

455
00:39:29.936 --> 00:39:35.736
Speaker 1: high dopamine. All right? If you've
ever felt like, "Oh, crap, I can't.

456
00:39:36.056 --> 00:39:41.136
Speaker 1: Nope, I'm done. I'm not gonna do
anything. I can't even get up off this couch.
Nope,

457
00:39:41.196 --> 00:39:46.016
Speaker 1: not doing anything," you have very
low dopamine. Okay? This is a simplistic model,

458
00:39:46.076 --> 00:39:51.956
Speaker 1: but let's go with that. Now, the
baseline level of dopamine is

459
00:39:52.016 --> 00:39:57.256
Speaker 1: basically where are you on average?
Where are you when nothing is going on, right?

460
00:39:57.296 --> 00:40:00.976
Speaker 1: When you're not deviating from the
norm up or down. You're neither super motivated,

461
00:40:01.416 --> 00:40:07.396
Speaker 1: nor are you super unmotivated. This
is just normal for you. All right. When

462
00:40:07.436 --> 00:40:09.516
Speaker 1: you do dopamine-seeking activities,

463
00:40:11.096 --> 00:40:15.916
Speaker 1: open Facebook, watch a show,
basically anything that gives you that hit,

464
00:40:17.056 --> 00:40:21.176
Speaker 1: what you're doing is you're draining
your store of dopamine. Boom. Imagine the line

465
00:40:21.216 --> 00:40:26.036
Speaker 1: going down. You can see that chart
going down and to the right. It goes down. Okay?

466
00:40:26.816 --> 00:40:30.896
Speaker 1: You f- first it goes up, whoop, you
get a little hit, and then it crashes. And

467
00:40:30.936 --> 00:40:36.916
Speaker 1: here's the thing, the more volatile
it is, the lower your baseline

468
00:40:36.976 --> 00:40:40.116
Speaker 1: dopamine gets. Okay? Think about
this.

469
00:40:42.496 --> 00:40:46.596
Speaker 1: The more you employ these sort of
short-term fixes, and I'm not gonna go into why,

470
00:40:47.696 --> 00:40:52.816
Speaker 1: okay? It's not important. Basically,
anything that you do habitually that is an

471
00:40:52.896 --> 00:40:58.536
Speaker 1: avoidance, that... And you know what
they are. It's junk food. It's whatever.

472
00:40:59.116 --> 00:41:04.116
Speaker 1: It's, it's the thing you're doing to
avoid doing the thing you actually want to do,

473
00:41:04.596 --> 00:41:09.016
Speaker 1: right? That's a dopamine-seeking
activity. Could be opening your email. Could be

474
00:41:09.076 --> 00:41:13.136
Speaker 1: anything, right? You get a little
bump, and the reason you're doing that is 'cause

475
00:41:13.176 --> 00:41:19.096
Speaker 1: you're trying to get back to normal.
You w- you just wanna feel good again. But

476
00:41:19.136 --> 00:41:21.976
Speaker 1: the trick is, it's a short-term fix.

477
00:41:23.636 --> 00:41:28.896
Speaker 1: It is a short term. You can think of
it like a debt, like a credit card. Yeah, you

478
00:41:28.956 --> 00:41:34.516
Speaker 1: get it real quick, but you pay more
in the long run. Okay? What do you think happens

479
00:41:34.576 --> 00:41:39.296
Speaker 1: to you, let's just say hypothetically
to a person, when you do this over and over

480
00:41:39.356 --> 00:41:40.176
Speaker 1: and over again?

481
00:41:42.236 --> 00:41:45.316
Speaker 1: Remember, your baseline sinks the
more you do this.

482
00:41:47.036 --> 00:41:52.776
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can see where this is
going. You have no energy, and in fact,

483
00:41:53.156 --> 00:41:57.856
Speaker 1: you probably can't even feel normal
unless you are tying your brain up,

484
00:41:58.936 --> 00:42:04.096
Speaker 1: unless you're getting these
dopamine-seeking activities. Okay? Cool. So keep
that in

485
00:42:04.116 --> 00:42:08.596
Speaker 1: your head. First of all, you got too
much information coming in. Shut it off. All

486
00:42:08.616 --> 00:42:12.516
Speaker 1: right? I'm not gonna tell you how.
Maybe that's a strategy for another day. Today,

487
00:42:12.676 --> 00:42:15.756
Speaker 1: we're getting kinda holistic. You
know, we'll dive into the details another time.

488
00:42:16.516 --> 00:42:17.256
Speaker 1: Turn it all off.

489
00:42:18.796 --> 00:42:23.496
Speaker 1: All of it. Turn it all off. Block it.
Ban it. Tell people you'll never do it again.

490
00:42:23.876 --> 00:42:27.356
Speaker 1: Delete the apps. Throw your computer
in the trash can. I don't care

491
00:42:29.460 --> 00:42:33.340
Speaker 1: Turn it all off. Okay? You need to
reduce the amount of noise coming into your
head.

492
00:42:33.880 --> 00:42:38.320
Speaker 1: All right? This will reduce the
amount of decisions you have to make. Great.
That's

493
00:42:38.420 --> 00:42:42.660
Speaker 1: awesome. Now, the other insidious
part about tying up your brain with these

494
00:42:42.680 --> 00:42:46.760
Speaker 1: dopamine-seeking activities is they
literally turn off your default mode network.

495
00:42:47.220 --> 00:42:51.640
Speaker 1: Okay? Basically, they tie up your
brain, and this is one of the reasons you like

496
00:42:51.680 --> 00:42:55.880
Speaker 1: these things, TV shows, social media,
whatever, right? Is because they actually kind

497
00:42:55.920 --> 00:43:00.180
Speaker 1: of turn off your brain. You don't
have to think about how bad your life sucks. You

498
00:43:00.200 --> 00:43:03.760
Speaker 1: don't have to think about how sad you
are or how we- you wish things are different.

499
00:43:03.820 --> 00:43:07.960
Speaker 1: You don't even have to think about
how guilty you feel that you should be doing

500
00:43:08.000 --> 00:43:12.540
Speaker 1: something else, because it kind of
does turn your brain off. Okay?

501
00:43:13.940 --> 00:43:16.380
Speaker 1: Because the part of your brain that
you're turning off is the default mode network.

502
00:43:16.780 --> 00:43:18.720
Speaker 1: Hmm, basically, you're silencing your
inner thoughts.

503
00:43:20.620 --> 00:43:26.580
Speaker 1: However, when you abstain from all
this, and you will feel

504
00:43:28.940 --> 00:43:34.580
Speaker 1: a lot of pain, the pain of boredom
like you've never felt in a long, long time.

505
00:43:34.900 --> 00:43:40.340
Speaker 1: Don't be frightened. This means it's
working. This is what you should feel.

506
00:43:41.340 --> 00:43:44.420
Speaker 1: It will hurt like crazy.

507
00:43:47.320 --> 00:43:52.760
Speaker 1: Very hot boredom. This is good. This
is your brain screaming for its fix

508
00:43:53.420 --> 00:43:57.360
Speaker 1: because it needs that dopamine. Like,
you literally do need it. It's an important

509
00:43:57.400 --> 00:43:58.660
Speaker 1: neurochemical, but you'll be fine.

510
00:44:00.940 --> 00:44:06.900
Speaker 1: All right? Just bear it. Go for a
walk. Do whatever. Do anything less

511
00:44:07.000 --> 00:44:12.460
Speaker 1: stimulating. Anything less
stimulating. Always start downgrading how
stimulating

512
00:44:12.500 --> 00:44:16.320
Speaker 1: these things are. Most of your time
should not be spent in these high-stimulation

513
00:44:16.380 --> 00:44:21.220
Speaker 1: activities. They're killing you.
They're literally draining your motivation and

514
00:44:21.300 --> 00:44:27.120
Speaker 1: tying up your brain. All right, go
for a walk, journal, basic, go

515
00:44:27.180 --> 00:44:32.340
Speaker 1: gardening. Do something where yard
work is great. Do something where your mind is

516
00:44:32.400 --> 00:44:36.880
Speaker 1: free. Okay? Your mind specifically is
free. Go for a drive. That's fine too.

517
00:44:37.320 --> 00:44:43.080
Speaker 1: Anything you can do that frees up
your mind, okay? Stop doing the things that tie
up

518
00:44:43.120 --> 00:44:48.720
Speaker 1: your mind, okay? Turn off the
information, avoid the dopamine-seeking
activities,

519
00:44:48.980 --> 00:44:52.500
Speaker 1: and start doing something right now,
the moment you feel that hot boredom,

520
00:44:54.800 --> 00:44:58.960
Speaker 1: that does not tie up your mind, but
maybe ties up your body or your hands. You know,

521
00:44:59.100 --> 00:45:03.640
Speaker 1: simple labor is good for this,
cleaning the house. Now, what you're gonna
notice is

522
00:45:04.840 --> 00:45:09.580
Speaker 1: your thoughts begin to wander. You
begin to daydream. You begin to think. Okay?
That

523
00:45:09.620 --> 00:45:14.380
Speaker 1: means the default mode network is
turning on. That's the part of your brain that
is

524
00:45:14.420 --> 00:45:19.860
Speaker 1: responsible for reflecting on your
experiences, making decisions,

525
00:45:21.080 --> 00:45:25.740
Speaker 1: and basically solving your problems.
It's gonna pose a lot of ugly, weird questions

526
00:45:25.780 --> 00:45:30.360
Speaker 1: that you don't want to answer. Let it
go. Just follow your thoughts, okay?

527
00:45:31.680 --> 00:45:31.900
Speaker 1: Just

528
00:45:33.480 --> 00:45:37.480
Speaker 1: daydream, think. You will
naturally... This is the purpose of the default
mode

529
00:45:37.520 --> 00:45:43.100
Speaker 1: network. Its job is to imagine the
future, reflect on the past, and

530
00:45:43.160 --> 00:45:45.240
Speaker 1: decide what to do differently.

531
00:45:47.620 --> 00:45:53.500
Speaker 1: Now, does that sound useful? Remember
when we talked about how your brain is so busy

532
00:45:53.540 --> 00:45:57.880
Speaker 1: doing other things, it doesn't have
any capacity to come up with how to solve your

533
00:45:57.920 --> 00:46:03.660
Speaker 1: problems? This is why your default
mode network isn't turning on

534
00:46:03.720 --> 00:46:09.260
Speaker 1: anymore, because you are turning it
off every time you tie it up

535
00:46:09.760 --> 00:46:15.480
Speaker 1: with podcasts, with YouTube, with
social media, with videos, with anything,

536
00:46:15.640 --> 00:46:20.920
Speaker 1: text chat, sitting in a room, video
games. You're turning it off. The part of your

537
00:46:20.980 --> 00:46:26.480
Speaker 1: brain responsible for improving your
life and coming up with ideas and solving

538
00:46:26.520 --> 00:46:32.220
Speaker 1: problems doesn't turn on anymore.
Think about what that does over a long time
period

539
00:46:32.780 --> 00:46:38.780
Speaker 1: and reflect on how that might cause
you to stop solving your own problems and create

540
00:46:38.820 --> 00:46:43.800
Speaker 1: problems as a result. This is a big
part of why you don't have control, okay?

541
00:46:44.900 --> 00:46:50.560
Speaker 1: Make time for your default mode
network. Give it as much uptime as you can. I

542
00:46:50.720 --> 00:46:56.260
Speaker 1: love going for a long walk first
thing in the morning, like ASAP. Just, just pop

543
00:46:56.320 --> 00:46:58.800
Speaker 1: right out of bed, put the shoes on,
brush your teeth if you have to or whatever.

544
00:47:00.080 --> 00:47:05.540
Speaker 1: Walk. No podcast. Nothing. Nothing
but you and the

545
00:47:05.600 --> 00:47:11.320
Speaker 1: sidewalk. And just walk. Thirty
minutes to an hour is best. Make it a habit
every

546
00:47:11.360 --> 00:47:16.260
Speaker 1: single day. Turn on your default mode
network, and it will start sifting through

547
00:47:16.320 --> 00:47:21.980
Speaker 1: that mountain of information you have
given it. It will start figuring out your

548
00:47:22.040 --> 00:47:27.440
Speaker 1: life for you. This is the purpose of
this part of your brain. Now, it's rusty. It's

549
00:47:27.500 --> 00:47:33.180
Speaker 1: out of practice. Be kind. Let it
work. Okay? And it will

550
00:47:33.280 --> 00:47:39.100
Speaker 1: start telling you what to do. You
say, "I don't know what to do." I say, "This is

551
00:47:39.180 --> 00:47:44.520
Speaker 1: why you don't know what to do." It's
because the part of your brain responsible for

552
00:47:44.600 --> 00:47:50.120
Speaker 1: solving your own problems isn't
turning on. Okay? Let it turn on.

553
00:47:50.500 --> 00:47:56.400
Speaker 1: Stop turning it off. Okay? All right.
So stop turning it off. You will

554
00:47:56.440 --> 00:48:00.500
Speaker 1: start coming up with your own ideas
for how to fix your life. Trust me. Okay? And

555
00:48:00.540 --> 00:48:04.720
Speaker 1: now that you have an internal locus
of control, you believe it's your responsibility

556
00:48:04.760 --> 00:48:10.360
Speaker 1: and you'll stop blaming others. Okay?
This is critical because now you

557
00:48:10.420 --> 00:48:15.440
Speaker 1: know you're the one who needs to
change it. And what's wrong in your life is up
to

558
00:48:15.500 --> 00:48:21.360
Speaker 1: you to change. Okay? Number two, you
have a growth mindset, so now you believe

559
00:48:21.420 --> 00:48:26.620
Speaker 1: you can change. It's your
responsibility, and you believe you can.

560
00:48:27.220 --> 00:48:32.920
Speaker 1: Okay? Keep those in your head, and
now turn on the default mode network by freeing

561
00:48:32.960 --> 00:48:38.260
Speaker 1: your mind. If you are thinking and
daydreaming and your brain is busy doing nothing

562
00:48:38.360 --> 00:48:38.640
Speaker 1: else

563
00:48:40.310 --> 00:48:45.230
Speaker 1: Your default mode network is on. If
you are bored, that means it's working. That's

564
00:48:45.310 --> 00:48:51.310
Speaker 1: good. It's working. You are finally
getting your agency back. Okay? You

565
00:48:51.330 --> 00:48:55.770
Speaker 1: have agency. The first part gives you
agency. That is your ability to make

566
00:48:55.810 --> 00:49:01.590
Speaker 1: decisions, think, reflect, and solve,
okay? It's in your head. But if you don't know

567
00:49:01.610 --> 00:49:05.250
Speaker 1: what to do or how to plan, you'll
never do anything. All right.

568
00:49:07.510 --> 00:49:12.030
Speaker 1: Stop turning that part of your brain
off because you are literally a puppet when

569
00:49:12.070 --> 00:49:18.050
Speaker 1: it's off. All right. Now, you do
this, you will

570
00:49:18.090 --> 00:49:23.110
Speaker 1: not only feel way, way, way, way, way
less anxious, but you're gonna start coming

571
00:49:23.170 --> 00:49:27.890
Speaker 1: with some ideas, simple stuff, for
what you might could change and how you've

572
00:49:27.970 --> 00:49:33.970
Speaker 1: screwed up and how maybe you can stop
making it worse. Okay? But now we

573
00:49:34.030 --> 00:49:39.670
Speaker 1: need to give you the will, the
energy, the drive to actually follow up on some
of

574
00:49:39.710 --> 00:49:44.389
Speaker 1: these things. This is a gradual
process too. Remember the dopamine-seeking

575
00:49:44.450 --> 00:49:49.070
Speaker 1: activities thing. All right? You're
draining your motivation with this stuff. Not

576
00:49:49.130 --> 00:49:52.150
Speaker 1: only are you turning off the part of
your brain that's supposed to be helping you

577
00:49:52.730 --> 00:49:55.230
Speaker 1: and replacing it with what is
essentially white noise,

578
00:49:57.610 --> 00:50:00.050
Speaker 1: you're also depleting your entire
store of willpower,

579
00:50:01.650 --> 00:50:06.470
Speaker 1: and you're basically giving yourself,
like, baby motivation. Not even that. Babies

580
00:50:06.490 --> 00:50:09.570
Speaker 1: are actually really motivated. I
don't know if you ever noticed that. It's a bad

581
00:50:09.610 --> 00:50:15.470
Speaker 1: example. Babies are, like, super
driven. You can get back to there. [laughs] All

582
00:50:15.490 --> 00:50:18.390
Speaker 1: right. Here's how you get your drive
and your willpower to do stuff back.

583
00:50:21.030 --> 00:50:24.450
Speaker 1: You're kinda like a broken record,
right? Your dopamine system is totally wrecked,

584
00:50:25.690 --> 00:50:28.730
Speaker 1: and I'll probably get into some more
detail on this later.

585
00:50:30.490 --> 00:50:35.730
Speaker 1: Here's what works. All right? I
figured this out, and I know it works for you,

586
00:50:36.350 --> 00:50:40.290
Speaker 1: and then we'll wrap here because you
have a lot to think about.

587
00:50:42.730 --> 00:50:47.629
Speaker 1: In order to get your willpower back,
you need to increase your baseline levels of

588
00:50:47.689 --> 00:50:53.150
Speaker 1: dopamine. This is basically how
motivated you feel when nothing's going on,
right?

589
00:50:55.890 --> 00:50:59.890
Speaker 1: On average, on the average day. It's,
it's your baseline level of motivation. A

590
00:50:59.950 --> 00:51:04.730
Speaker 1: driven person is just somebody with
high levels of baseline dopamine, you know, plus

591
00:51:04.790 --> 00:51:09.210
Speaker 1: a desire to do something. Right? It
gives you the reserves to do something.

592
00:51:10.950 --> 00:51:16.370
Speaker 1: All right. You need to start setting
rules for yourself, like a lot of rules.

593
00:51:16.910 --> 00:51:21.490
Speaker 1: But start small. The most insidious
things are the things we've already talked

594
00:51:21.550 --> 00:51:26.950
Speaker 1: about, and you know what they feel
like. So you're gonna use a technique that I
like

595
00:51:26.990 --> 00:51:32.510
Speaker 1: to call closing the door behind you
on dopamine-seeking activities, okay?

596
00:51:33.290 --> 00:51:37.830
Speaker 1: Think about this, closing the door
behind you. You have terrible impulse control.

597
00:51:38.810 --> 00:51:43.230
Speaker 1: All right? You just, you suck. You
suck at it. I still don't know how to not do

598
00:51:43.270 --> 00:51:47.110
Speaker 1: things like that I know I shouldn't.
Uh, that may surprise you as somebody who

599
00:51:47.170 --> 00:51:52.190
Speaker 1: claims to have control over their
life, but it's true. Rather than trying to,
like,

600
00:51:52.430 --> 00:51:57.110
Speaker 1: beat everything with willpower, I
don't know how to do that. I still suck at that,

601
00:51:57.590 --> 00:52:02.330
Speaker 1: so I don't. I just strategized around
it. Now I don't even have to try really at

602
00:52:02.410 --> 00:52:07.670
Speaker 1: all. Here's why. I use a technique
called close the door behind me.

603
00:52:08.990 --> 00:52:13.870
Speaker 1: So here's an example. I'm scrolling
through a Twitter feed trying to figure out, you

604
00:52:13.890 --> 00:52:17.870
Speaker 1: know, what the market sentiment is
for macro markets for investment purposes,
right?

605
00:52:19.230 --> 00:52:20.090
Speaker 1: It occurs to me,

606
00:52:21.870 --> 00:52:27.210
Speaker 1: oh crap, I'm probably going to scroll
until two AM.

607
00:52:28.330 --> 00:52:33.130
Speaker 1: Have you ever had that feeling
sitting in the back seat of your own life? Like,
I

608
00:52:33.190 --> 00:52:37.510
Speaker 1: know I'm about to do something
stupid, and I don't feel like I can stop. Maybe
you

609
00:52:37.570 --> 00:52:42.510
Speaker 1: try. Maybe you wanna fight it. Like,
"No, I'm gonna close it. No, I can do it." All

610
00:52:42.550 --> 00:52:47.890
Speaker 1: right. Yeah, that doesn't work. Well,
not for me, and not for you because you are

611
00:52:47.950 --> 00:52:51.090
Speaker 1: me. The worst version of me, but you
can get better.

612
00:52:52.910 --> 00:52:57.070
Speaker 1: Here's what you do. Don't fight it.
All right, this is gonna sound really crazy, but

613
00:52:57.130 --> 00:53:02.210
Speaker 1: cave in. Yeah, stay up until two AM
and scroll. That's what you should do. But

614
00:53:05.010 --> 00:53:10.870
Speaker 1: you do it in trade, okay? Here's the
trick. Your long-term

615
00:53:10.930 --> 00:53:15.110
Speaker 1: mind and your short-term mind are in
constant conflict. You know, the long-term you

616
00:53:15.170 --> 00:53:18.890
Speaker 1: is like, "I know that this is gonna
make me tired tomorrow, and I'm gonna feel like

617
00:53:18.930 --> 00:53:21.930
Speaker 1: trash, and I've kinda wasted my
evening 'cause there was like ten other things I

618
00:53:21.950 --> 00:53:25.790
Speaker 1: wanted to do." All right? "And it
really wasn't that fun anyway, and it makes me

619
00:53:25.830 --> 00:53:29.850
Speaker 1: feel bad afterward, so why are you
doing this?" And the other part of you is like,

620
00:53:30.110 --> 00:53:35.530
Speaker 1: "Uh, [laughs] I want this." So

621
00:53:36.450 --> 00:53:40.330
Speaker 1: you're going to use the short-term
mind against itself. All right? You're gonna

622
00:53:40.370 --> 00:53:46.170
Speaker 1: trick it. The long-term mind is
smarter, okay? You're gonna give the short-term
mind

623
00:53:46.210 --> 00:53:51.790
Speaker 1: what it wants, but there's a deal,
okay? This is like a deal with the devil, but in

624
00:53:51.830 --> 00:53:56.250
Speaker 1: this case, it's a deal with an angel.
Your long-term mind is gonna win. It's gonna

625
00:53:56.290 --> 00:54:01.610
Speaker 1: concede the battle and win the war.
Here's what you do. "Okay, short-term self,

626
00:54:02.210 --> 00:54:06.670
Speaker 1: I'll let you stay up until two AM.
Not only will I let you stay up until two AM

627
00:54:06.750 --> 00:54:12.670
Speaker 1: scrolling as long as you want, I
promise not to make you feel bad. I won't feel

628
00:54:12.730 --> 00:54:18.450
Speaker 1: guilty at all. Okay? I won't make you
feel guilty in the slightest. Have fun.

629
00:54:18.850 --> 00:54:24.830
Speaker 1: Do it. Go ahead. Scroll as long as
you want. Like, have a blast. I, I don't get it,

630
00:54:24.950 --> 00:54:29.810
Speaker 1: but do it, okay? Sit on the couch.
You can stay up t- late tonight and engage in

631
00:54:29.850 --> 00:54:35.330
Speaker 1: this very unhealthy habit. I won't
stop you. I won't try to stop you. I won't even

632
00:54:35.370 --> 00:54:40.930
Speaker 1: make you feel bad. Have at it." But
The

633
00:54:41.010 --> 00:54:46.750
Speaker 1: moment you're done and you choose to
go to bed, not only do you close the app,

634
00:54:47.310 --> 00:54:53.310
Speaker 1: but you uninstall it. You block this
website in your hosts file.

635
00:54:53.790 --> 00:54:57.330
Speaker 1: For those of you who don't know how
to do that, it doesn't matter, okay? It just

636
00:54:57.390 --> 00:55:01.670
Speaker 1: means you can't get to the website on
this computer, right? Kind of like a school

637
00:55:01.730 --> 00:55:05.670
Speaker 1: computer thing. There is other
software you can do, use to do the same thing.

638
00:55:09.830 --> 00:55:15.790
Speaker 1: What that means is it's a trade. Your
long-term mind says, "Cool, I'm

639
00:55:15.830 --> 00:55:19.790
Speaker 1: not going to fight you on the impulse
control. Go right ahead. You're a moving

640
00:55:19.870 --> 00:55:25.730
Speaker 1: freight train. Just do your thing.
But I'm going to close the

641
00:55:25.770 --> 00:55:30.830
Speaker 1: door behind me on this
dopamine-seeking activity so that the next time

642
00:55:32.330 --> 00:55:37.810
Speaker 1: I know you're going to get the urge
to do this, it's gone and you can't, or at least

643
00:55:37.870 --> 00:55:43.610
Speaker 1: it's very hard." And it is
significantly easier to do something you

644
00:55:43.750 --> 00:55:48.930
Speaker 1: know you shouldn't. It's
significantly easier to do the right thing when
doing the

645
00:55:48.950 --> 00:55:54.330
Speaker 1: wrong thing is exceptionally
difficult. All right? The next time you go to
open this

646
00:55:54.450 --> 00:56:00.130
Speaker 1: app, and you're gonna be like,
"It's... Oh, it's gone." It's like stepping off
a

647
00:56:00.210 --> 00:56:03.670
Speaker 1: stair and there's, like, nothing
there. It's like, whoa. That sort of feeling of

648
00:56:03.710 --> 00:56:08.250
Speaker 1: like, whoa, wait a minute. It's like
waking up because your habit loop trigger is

649
00:56:08.310 --> 00:56:08.750
Speaker 1: breaking.

650
00:56:10.310 --> 00:56:16.150
Speaker 1: All right? So it's a trick. The
long-term mind knows that the short-term mind is

651
00:56:16.190 --> 00:56:22.130
Speaker 1: sort of impulsive and foolish, and it
will make a deal that is

652
00:56:22.270 --> 00:56:25.670
Speaker 1: actually in the long-term mind's best
interest. Who cares if you stay up late one

653
00:56:25.710 --> 00:56:31.530
Speaker 1: more time? You're trading one more
bad habit day for a lifetime

654
00:56:31.610 --> 00:56:37.090
Speaker 1: of never doing it again. That's the
trick, okay? Close the door

655
00:56:37.130 --> 00:56:42.770
Speaker 1: behind you. Now, you can sweeten the
deal because brains are crafty,

656
00:56:43.170 --> 00:56:48.829
Speaker 1: and there may come a day when you are
so desperate for dopamine that you will go

657
00:56:48.890 --> 00:56:51.910
Speaker 1: download the Twitter app and log in
again, figure out what your password is.

658
00:56:53.590 --> 00:56:59.050
Speaker 1: So here's the sweetener, right? Okay?
Not only do you... 'Cause the short-term mind

659
00:56:59.070 --> 00:57:02.470
Speaker 1: is dumb. It just wants what it wants
right now. It'll, it'll agree to anything. This

660
00:57:02.510 --> 00:57:08.050
Speaker 1: is the trick. All right? And for
those who are curious, your brain is actually
kind

661
00:57:08.090 --> 00:57:11.670
Speaker 1: of structured like this. They are
actually like two different separate minds. Now,

662
00:57:11.710 --> 00:57:15.690
Speaker 1: they are unified as a single self, of
course, but they are actually like two

663
00:57:15.730 --> 00:57:20.550
Speaker 1: different individuals competing and
arguing with each other. That's why when you

664
00:57:20.590 --> 00:57:24.930
Speaker 1: talk to yourself, you are actually...
You are different pieces talking to each

665
00:57:25.010 --> 00:57:29.710
Speaker 1: other. Just fun fact. So it is
actually two different kind of entities talking
to

666
00:57:29.750 --> 00:57:31.030
Speaker 1: each other. Weird, huh?

667
00:57:33.710 --> 00:57:38.590
Speaker 1: You add a sweetener. Remember,
short-term mind will agree to anything. Not only
are

668
00:57:38.650 --> 00:57:44.090
Speaker 1: you gonna close the door behind you,
but there is an implicit threat

669
00:57:44.470 --> 00:57:50.210
Speaker 1: here. If I ever see you try to engage
in this habit again after

670
00:57:50.270 --> 00:57:54.390
Speaker 1: tonight, by the way, tonight you can
do whatever you want. Have at it. Have a blast.

671
00:57:55.310 --> 00:57:59.790
Speaker 1: If I ever see you try to install this
app again or remove, you know, Twitter from

672
00:57:59.870 --> 00:58:05.510
Speaker 1: the host file block, if I ever see
you try to circumvent the measures that I'm

673
00:58:05.570 --> 00:58:06.710
Speaker 1: putting in place after this,

674
00:58:08.250 --> 00:58:12.690
Speaker 1: I will punish you, and you will
regret that decision severely.

675
00:58:14.490 --> 00:58:18.790
Speaker 1: You will never do this again. Is that
clear? Speak to yourself exactly like that.

676
00:58:19.650 --> 00:58:25.350
Speaker 1: Exactly like that. Okay? And here's
the other thing. You need to mean it, and if you

677
00:58:25.430 --> 00:58:28.910
Speaker 1: ever do try to circumvent those
controls, now, don't hurt yourself or anything
like

678
00:58:29.010 --> 00:58:34.530
Speaker 1: that. That's not what I'm saying. I
mean emotionally. I mean literally blackmail

679
00:58:34.570 --> 00:58:38.970
Speaker 1: yourself if that's what it takes.
There are no levels you should not go to, you

680
00:58:38.990 --> 00:58:41.030
Speaker 1: know, within moral and ethical reason

681
00:58:43.250 --> 00:58:48.530
Speaker 1: in order to make it clear that you
mean it. We're done with this.

682
00:58:49.230 --> 00:58:53.710
Speaker 1: Do not ever cross this line. Not only
is it removed and blocked and can you not get

683
00:58:53.750 --> 00:58:57.670
Speaker 1: to this thing anymore, or whatever
your new normal is, right? It doesn't mean that

684
00:58:57.710 --> 00:59:00.610
Speaker 1: closing the door behind you is n- you
can never do something. Like, never checking

685
00:59:00.630 --> 00:59:05.270
Speaker 1: your email again is not feasible. But
you're crafty, and when you turn on your

686
00:59:05.310 --> 00:59:09.190
Speaker 1: default mode network, you'll begin to
find ways to start to enforce your rules,

687
00:59:09.270 --> 00:59:09.490
Speaker 1: okay?

688
00:59:11.230 --> 00:59:14.450
Speaker 1: So add that sweetener. It's a
self-threat.

689
00:59:16.010 --> 00:59:19.490
Speaker 1: Promise, really. It needs to be a
promise because you need to believe it, and you

690
00:59:19.590 --> 00:59:24.690
Speaker 1: need to question yourself immediately
after that. Do I mean that? The answer needs

691
00:59:24.750 --> 00:59:30.670
Speaker 1: to come back a one hundred percent
resounding, "Oh, hell yes. Do not test

692
00:59:30.710 --> 00:59:30.930
Speaker 1: me."

693
00:59:32.750 --> 00:59:38.650
Speaker 1: Okay? Cool. Close the door behind
you. Get your uptime up for

694
00:59:38.690 --> 00:59:43.190
Speaker 1: your default mode network. Turn it on
as much as possible. You should be bored more

695
00:59:43.290 --> 00:59:47.890
Speaker 1: often, okay? Because that means your
brain is starting to work for you instead of

696
00:59:47.950 --> 00:59:51.950
Speaker 1: somebody else. All right? You're
never gonna solve your own problems if it's not

697
00:59:52.010 --> 00:59:57.610
Speaker 1: working for you. And two, close the
door behind you on dopamine-seeking activities.

698
00:59:57.670 --> 01:00:03.150
Speaker 1: Make it harder and harder and harder
to do the things that you know are draining

699
01:00:03.230 --> 01:00:09.230
Speaker 1: your willpower in the long term. All
right. Keep doing that. In about, well, after

700
01:00:09.290 --> 01:00:14.790
Speaker 1: a day, two days, you're gonna start
feeling like, "Whoa, I actually, like, kinda

701
01:00:14.810 --> 01:00:20.150
Speaker 1: wanna do some things. Like, I think
I'm gonna clean the house." This is what boredom

702
01:00:20.190 --> 01:00:26.050
Speaker 1: does for you. [chuckles] You will
actually have the will to do things. It's crazy.

703
01:00:26.090 --> 01:00:28.830
Speaker 1: And by the way, you're gonna keep
running into more and more activities as you
find

704
01:00:28.870 --> 01:00:32.750
Speaker 1: them. That's fine. This is normal. It
will take time to find the right rules. And

705
01:00:32.850 --> 01:00:36.010
Speaker 1: one last piece of advice, and this is
something you're gonna hear me say constantly

706
01:00:36.050 --> 01:00:36.370
Speaker 1: for you.

707
01:00:38.030 --> 01:00:43.030
Speaker 1: Write down the rules. Read them back
to yourself every day. I like in the morning,

708
01:00:43.130 --> 01:00:48.970
Speaker 1: first thing you do. Literally, I just
use a Google sheet. So I have an internal

709
01:00:48.990 --> 01:00:53.430
Speaker 1: locus of control. Let's put that one
at the top. I don't blame. I don't deflect. I

710
01:00:53.430 --> 01:00:58.110
Speaker 1: don't make excuses ever. Put that one
right on the top of the spreadsheet. Right

711
01:00:58.150 --> 01:01:03.950
Speaker 1: below that on the next line, growth
mindset. I believe that I can change

712
01:01:05.290 --> 01:01:09.550
Speaker 1: just about anything about myself. You
can take about the just about if you take that

713
01:01:09.590 --> 01:01:14.370
Speaker 1: out if you want to. I believe I can
change anything about myself. I believe that

714
01:01:14.430 --> 01:01:17.430
Speaker 1: anyone can change anything about
themselves. That's the second line. I have a
growth

715
01:01:17.489 --> 01:01:21.410
Speaker 1: mindset. And then right after that, I
want you to start writing your rules

716
01:01:23.270 --> 01:01:28.150
Speaker 1: for closing the door behind you on
your dopamine-seeking activities. Maybe adding

717
01:01:28.210 --> 01:01:33.410
Speaker 1: the rules for the routines that you
want for increasing your uptime. I take a walk

718
01:01:33.490 --> 01:01:38.470
Speaker 1: first thing in the morning, right? I
take a long drive when I'm feeling stressed.

719
01:01:38.830 --> 01:01:44.830
Speaker 1: Whatever it is, right? I do gardening
on Saturdays after whatever this. You

720
01:01:45.890 --> 01:01:50.870
Speaker 1: know your life. Follow your own
rules. They're yours, remember? I can't fix you.

721
01:01:51.370 --> 01:01:56.770
Speaker 1: You're not even broken. You're going
to help yourself. It has to come from you.

722
01:01:57.250 --> 01:02:01.570
Speaker 1: Internal locus of control. All right.
So now you got your spreadsheet. Read it back

723
01:02:01.610 --> 01:02:04.730
Speaker 1: to yourself every day. As stupid as
that sounds, it takes just a couple seconds.

724
01:02:04.850 --> 01:02:08.010
Speaker 1: This is one of the few habits that
holds all the others together. It's a master

725
01:02:08.070 --> 01:02:12.810
Speaker 1: habit. It contains all of your other
habits. It's a self-reinforcing loop of who you

726
01:02:12.850 --> 01:02:16.690
Speaker 1: want to be and how you want to act.
It will smack you in the face every single

727
01:02:16.750 --> 01:02:21.130
Speaker 1: morning and remind you of who you
want to be so that you can never, ever forget,

728
01:02:21.710 --> 01:02:25.330
Speaker 1: okay? Never stop doing that. Do it
every morning. If you forget in the morning, do

729
01:02:25.350 --> 01:02:28.250
Speaker 1: it in the afternoon. If you forget in
the afternoon, do it at night. If you forget

730
01:02:28.290 --> 01:02:32.290
Speaker 1: the whole day, do it the next day. It
doesn't matter how long it's been since you've

731
01:02:32.330 --> 01:02:38.010
Speaker 1: forgotten. Get back to this one
master habit. Read back the principles and rules

732
01:02:38.050 --> 01:02:42.590
Speaker 1: that are important. This is how you
want to live. Remind yourself.

733
01:02:44.310 --> 01:02:49.270
Speaker 1: All right. Make sure you're closing
the door behind your dopamine-seeking activities

734
01:02:49.330 --> 01:02:53.310
Speaker 1: so that you don't continue to repeat
mistakes. This will slowly increase your

735
01:02:53.370 --> 01:02:57.810
Speaker 1: baseline levels of dopamine. That
takes time. It will take a couple days to start

736
01:02:57.850 --> 01:03:02.170
Speaker 1: getting back to normal, maybe a
couple weeks to start getting back to like,
whoa.

737
01:03:03.070 --> 01:03:06.550
Speaker 1: But I guarantee you, if you do all
these things, you put them in a spreadsheet and

738
01:03:06.570 --> 01:03:10.310
Speaker 1: you remind yourself every morning by
reading them back to yourself. In a couple

739
01:03:10.350 --> 01:03:15.570
Speaker 1: weeks' time, you will have way more
ideas about how to fix your life than you've had

740
01:03:15.730 --> 01:03:21.590
Speaker 1: maybe in months or years. And you're
just now starting to have the

741
01:03:21.690 --> 01:03:27.510
Speaker 1: willpower to follow up on them.
You've always known you could do meal

742
01:03:27.550 --> 01:03:31.930
Speaker 1: preps for healthy meals, but you
just, man, you either couldn't have started or
you

743
01:03:31.970 --> 01:03:37.410
Speaker 1: couldn't keep the habit. But now, now
you feel like maybe I could do

744
01:03:37.690 --> 01:03:43.510
Speaker 1: something. And you don't have to do
everything because once you have a

745
01:03:43.550 --> 01:03:47.150
Speaker 1: little control, well, you know what
you can do with that.

746
01:03:49.050 --> 01:03:50.050
Speaker 1: You can get some more.

747
01:03:52.530 --> 01:03:56.550
Speaker 1: This has been The Fix. Now, get to
work.